“其实我们是很关心你的~”
这句话，我听多了……
关心？
我不了解~
什么是关心？
怎么我感觉不到？
还是是我把自己封闭了？
我不知道~
我真的不知道。
我不想要你们的关心~
我不需要~
因为，对我而言，你们的关心，有没有都是一样的。
最多让我觉得烦。
的确，我很ungrateful（忘了华语叫什么）
我不懂得珍惜~
习惯了，听惯了。
但，你们的关心都来得不是时候。
当我想一个人静时，就会有人来烦我。
当我想有个人来安慰我、陪伴我时，却总是一个人坐着。
对了，我想说
你们是不是时常见到我一个人坐着？
很自闭？
样子衰？
脸黑黑？
不敢接近我？
你可以不用理我。
我习惯了。
我真的不想别人理我的，因为往往别人都是因为同情我才去找我讲几句话……谢了我不需要！
我真的不想别人同情我，因为同情我就代表我有问题！
我知道我有问题，很大的问题，很大很大，你以为我不知道吗？
我知道的，但别人的同情将会使这问题变得更加真实。
话题拉回来。
其实，我真的很不喜欢一个人坐着的。
很尴尬的感觉，觉得自己好象怪人，被隔离。
你们这种天生就有很多朋友的人，性格开朗的人，话题能自然到口的人，是永远不能了解的。
因为，我们不一样。
我不喜欢一个人坐在那边，所以，在学校时，我就会睡觉，或者是拿起笔在那边写写写，好象自己很忙酱……其实只不过是想不要这么尴尬，这么多余地坐在那。
在教堂，主日崇拜之前是主日学，中间隔着一个小时的距离。
意思是，主日学后还要呆在教堂半个小时没事做。
大家都有事做，除了本小姐。
寂寞吗？孤单吗？
一个人傻傻地坐在那儿，总觉得自己很怪。
所以现在的我通常都会出去走走，大概45分钟，才回来。
走到那里都好，没关系~
因为在街上，一个人，并不奇怪。
只是过马路时有点怕而已啦。
每个星期日，当我走着时，我都会很想看到你，希望你会出门吃早餐后再去**……
但都没有，但都失望~
就这样，走着~
见到情侣、好朋友、一家人……都很开心、幸福~
但我喜欢一样事情~
就是过马路时，有些好心的司机就会放慢车子，挥挥手叫我先过，感觉上很被重视！
但我每次和他们笑笑、表示我的谢意时，他们又不会笑回的喔~
在学校，下课时，我不喜欢一个人站着吃，因为会很怪，所以都和朋友一起吃~
but after that, I will prefer to be alone, so I can roam the school...
and maybe see someone, haha...
I tell u o, the chinese dunno wat problem, give me shuang pin, dun wan give me xin quan pin, suddenly de o!
Just now I type so long also dun hv...haiz...starting to sot liao...same as me!
Anyway...I don't like to be lonely...
2 comments:
Ble, actually...People are not born to be alone. Do you think a person is born naturally to have many friends surrounding them as soon as they go out? You must take initiative to approach people and not wait for others to approach you ...Why do people have so many friends? Because they dared to take the initiative first. They are not BORN attractive...come on, even if you are pretty or handsome but cold, nobody would approach you to talk right? People like to talk to friendly people. (example : look at dai ga jie and how she changed since she joined MIF until MYF) She was once passive as well, but she began by changing herself, not by changing others around her.
I used to be like you. Sometimes we do not realise, but when you wait for something to happen, actually the only one with a problem is ourselves...It is time to grow and break down the walls. Take a brave step to move forward and see God change your life! =) *hugz
No I can't, coz even if I "take the step 4ward" as you say, ppl will still nt be zi4 zai4 with me, coz they're already xi2 guan4 with dulu de me...and ppl are nt born to be friendly, bt they're born with the gift to just gabble anything off, with an easygoing expression...those ppl, like u, will nv know how we feel...u think I hvn tried to take the initiative first meh? I Have, and failed, so that's why I've given up...ppl are just nt comfortable around me, and I'm happy to let it be at that...for the time, since I can't do anything else...And I can't even join in their topics, coz I don't share the same interests, or have the same amount of knowledge, or have the same friends that we can gossip about...anyway...ntg liao.
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