The Doorway to My Heart

I'VE CHANGED MY MIND I WANT TO MARRY HIM!!!

2012-01-30T07:33:00.000-08:00

His facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Figaro-Ceng-Shao-Zong/93682812276?sk=wall

His lengzai sunshiny pic:

I love his smile!!! especially when he shows his teeth!!! SOOOOO CUTE!!!!!! AND I LOVE HIS EYES!!!
His name is Figaro Ceng, 曾少宗。He acted in 恶作剧之吻II and 恶魔在身边，but sadly not as a main actor, just 客串 only. He's 31 this year, but doesn't look a bit like it. The above pic was taken a few years ago though.

I fell in love with him in the dramas COZ HE IS REALLY SO CUTE AND I LOVE HIS SMILE I'VE NEVER SEEN SUCH A CUTE AND PERFECT SMILE BEFORE but I just discovered lately that he's from the band 可米小子(comic boyz)...they've already disbanded though :(...and also that 王传一 is also in the band. @_@ They've got a really nice song 求爱复刻版, but i can't find the mv on youtube...and there's another nice song that i've just discovered:

p/s: he's the one in the middle!!! you can see his sunshiny smile at 0.27♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥!!!!!!!!

I really like him soooooooo much!!! HE IS SO ADORABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! T_T I WANT TO ACT IN A DRAMA WITH HIM......T_T

lovesick-ing~~~

2012 cny

2012-01-27T20:28:00.000-08:00

I've always destested / hated chinese new years. And I've never understood why everybody gets so excited about it each year. To me, it's just an event where all the relatives meet each other, and I become even dumber than usual (due to extreme contrast, coz usually i just shut myself up in my room and thus my dumbness isn't so noticable), and everybody keeps giving angpaus and we keep receiving them and saying thank you and happy new year and gongxifacai and all that.

Well, of course I'm grateful for the angpaus....and maybe the dinners at restaurants...but that's about it. ya. I'm not especially grateful for the sounds of firecrackers and fireworks at midnight. Not happy to be trying to make my unsociable dark face look happy, or at least neutral (coz i know i look horrible when i'm not trying to smile, i've checked it in the mirror and was horrified...-.-), but maintaining a neutral expression on your face can be so tiring sometimes. Especially when every part of your insides are screaming "I'm not wanted here. I don't want to be here. I don't belong here. I WANT TO GO HOME!!!". So ya. Dark face + dark skin...that's how I go through each cny...no sorry, it's how I go through most of the year actually. -.-

So anyway, this year was much the same. But actually, apart from the first two days of chinese new year, I quite enjoyed the rest of the days. Because, you know, it's a holiday after all. And ai am soh happeh that I've changed back from an owl to a human being. :D Well, maybe not a normal human being...maybe a sick human, that needs afternoon naps...but a human nevertheless. Let's hope I won't go back to sleeping at 6am and waking at 2pm when I return to school next week.

And I'm 19 this year. Sounds unbelievable, and looks unbelievable...some people think I look young for my age but many people think I look old too. But anyway I cannot believe that I am actually 19 this year. o.o but so far I've always answered 19 correctly when people ask about my age, though I never really feel that I'm answering that question for myself...feels more like I'm answering it for a friend.

And one more serious problem. -.- I really dunno what I want to be in the future. This is absurd..even primary school kids have their "ambitions", but I've never had one. And I'm 19 this year. But I've made up my mind lately...I want to take the job with the highest salary there is (that is, IF i can find a job) regardless of the working conditions...then earn a lot of money, then buy or rent a small house, and live alone. I don't want any housemates, I want to live alone (yes and that's why I need the money). I don't want to get married. This may seem weird too, but I am just not interested in getting married anymore. And less still in having a boyfriend or what. I dunno...but I'm actually afraid of getting one now (not that anyone wants me now)...it's so stressful and troublesome and such a burden, and most of all, I don't know how to belong to anyone. I don't know how to bear that responsibility. It's horrible...and now, I dislike him so much for no reason at all....he never did anything wrong, but i just feel that he's so ugly...and so geli...and I dislike him more each time I see his face on Facebook, and I want to run away each time I recognize him in school...and sometimes I have to get really close before I realize that the familiar-looking person I've been staring at is actually him (which is not funny at all...what will he think of me!!!) and I dunno la...I just feel that getting into relationships are a lot of trouble and a total waste of time, and most of all, I can't give him anything at all. "Give him", as in "为他付出". I just feel so useless and different most of the time.

Plus, I can't do anything that a wife should be able to do. I assume that I will know how to make eggs edible by the time I find a job, and know how to cook a few simple dishes...but that's not enough, is it? And my skin is horrible. And I don't want to have children. I don't even love children, or know how to communicate with them at all. So I am not going to be able to fulfill wifely duties in the kitchen, bedroom, or home. And I don't even know how to care about him...and I'll be jealous 99% of the time...O.O i can predict that he will divorce me after 1 month of marriage.

So I want to get rich, and live alone, and buy a big TV, and all the nice DVDs in the store. And watch them all when I'm not working. And blog childish posts like this when I've got more free time, and when I'm in the mood. :D And buy pink furniture and eat chocolate everyday.

- the end -

exam nightmares

2012-01-03T20:29:00.001-08:00

This morning was the 2nd time I had an exam nightmare. The first time was last week.
I seriously dunno why I'm having stupid dreams like this, somemore the subjects are sejarah and chemistry respectively. -.-

The first one, was about I was about to have a sejarah exam the next day, and I'd only started studying at midnight (in my room at INTI), and I was confident coz even though I wasn't really sure, but I'd estimated that the chapters that were coming out were chapters 2 to 4. After I asked my friend on the phone, it turned out to be chapter 2 to chapter 18. Then I started to panic...flipping through the thick textbook without absorbing anything...and was prepared to hand in a blank paper ady when I woke up and was so grateful that it was only a dream...

The second one, about the stupid chemistry paper...@_@...Erm I'm not sure whether it was two seperate dreams or what...but I dreamt I was running with a bunch of people on the street...and one of them was TT....and then I drank some water and coughed and vomited it out... o.o ...Then blablabla I forgot what happened but it took a long time and caused me to be late for class...then when I entered class, it was already exam time, and I was still flipping through the notes at my desk... Then the teacher (who happened to be Mr Luk -.-) called my name and I went out to get the exam paper. Then I went back to my place (which was still littered with the notes) and started stuffing all the notes into my pink file. After that, I was about to start writing when I realized that I'd put the exam paper into my file as well. So I started looking for it but couldn't find it. :@:@:@ then I look look look...but still couldn't find it. And I think the reason that I didn't ask for another paper was because there were only as many papers as the number of people in our class. Then I wanted to share the paper with the person next to me, but she was already writing on it and I was scared it would be counted as cheating. Then panic again lo...then Mr Luk came over, and I asked him what time it was...then he smirked and said "Nearly Bio period now." Then I looked at his watch and realized that I only had 20 minutes left......... then I woke up from this horrible morningmare and again was extra thankful that it wasn't true. @____@

Now I keep wondering why I would dream about things like this... -.- it's not like I'm one of the people who just finished their SPM... could it be because of my too-long holiday? Maybe 3 weeks of more than enough sleep + more than enough to eat + excessive watching of dramas caused my dream cells to lose track of time... -.-

Going back to school tomorrow.... I dunno but I think I'll miss home this time.

The Most Comfortable Sleeping Position

2011-10-29T01:37:00.000-07:00

Talk about randomness!!! But on the other hand, this is Not going to be an emo post...hahaha...which is something rather out of the ordinary =X

Anyway, I discovered a surprisingly comfortable sleeping position just now (but I still got up to post this =X...quite ironic lol). Which is THIS:

Please ignore the pjk shirt...

Anyway, in this pic, I am resting the back of my head on my green pillow, resting the side of my head on the big soft cap of BunBun, curling my legs round the blue Bobby II, and being covered by the pink blanket. =)

And raising one arm to take this pic, and pretending to be blissfully asleep lol.

On a sidenote, I realized that my inability to fall asleep is no longer only caused by the absence of a bolster, but also a Blanket. o.O

That day I threw all the bedsheets, toys and my blanket into the washing machine...And it was already 7pm, and raining heavily. So of course I didn't have any blanket to use that night.

And it was so. Freaking. Difficult. To. Fall. Asleep.

I dunno why!!! seriously I dunno why. I think it was partly because of the coldness...but I couldn't have really been cold! I mean...it had already stopped raining by then, and it was a stuffy single room, and I had turned down the fan from the usual 3 to ONE. Plus I was wearing long pants (never worn those trackbottoms since I came here, feels quite geli lol==), and TWO pairs of socks. Oh...and a sweater. =X

So, ya. Luckily the bolster cover dried fast enough. And I have yet to experience sleeping without a pillow, but I think the result would be much the same... maybe it's just the feeling that I'm missing something. Maybe if I slept without a bolster, pillow and blanket for 2 months continuously, I would get used to it. O.o

But I dunno why it's so easy to fall asleep on a classroom desk LOL.

2009-10-18 19:51 那时候，我的择偶条件

2011-10-10T03:30:00.000-07:00

~一定要~
1314都爱我…
我也爱他…
是基督教徒…
比我大（我今年16岁，12月1日生日）…
比我高（我158cm）…
不能太瘦，因为我自己有点肉 ><"…
温柔体贴…
浪漫…
不适当的时候不会烦我…
会安慰我…
经常都能够见面（住森美兰）…
会安慰我…
不能天天有自己的问题（因为我不会安慰人！）…
幽默…
会想话题（因为我不会==）…
不准在结婚前做love…
尊重我…
100%信任我…
什么事情都是第一时间想到我…

~最好也…~
有钱…
声音好听…
会音乐…不会的话也至少要会唱歌，不能是个音痴（因为要唱情歌给我听）…
会游泳…
不能有一大堆女性朋友…
不能太聪明（不然我会自卑）…
会做家务（因为我不会！）…
成绩好（A/B班）…
样子不错…
不能有一大堆粉丝（也就是除了我以外不准有别人喜欢上他）…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
我刚刚才去看的。。。然后看到的时候我真的是吓到！！！吓到够力！！！
不是因为我开的条件很过分还是什么，是别的原因。。。
震惊ing~~~

当你发现到他爱上了自己的好朋友。。。

2011-09-26T03:04:00.000-07:00

4年前有人问了一个问题：如果你和你的好朋友喜欢上了同一个人，你会怎么做？
那时候还处于《单纯暗恋》状态的我，就给了一个很白目的答案：那样也好啊，那我们就可以一起喜欢那个人了，还可以一起讨论他。。。
然后那个人说，可能我还小，长大后就会懂了。。。

“你长大后就会懂了”，这句话我从小到大都在听着，万万没想到现在我真的都懂了。。。
虽然状况是不太一样。
我不爱他。我真的不爱他。
可是多多少少都会剩下一点感觉的嘛！！！拜托，我是女生咧！！！是偶像剧里男主角的前女友！！！
人生如戏，戏如人生！戏里都有做嘛，那个男主角是能多么轻易地放弃7年的感情然后直接爱上女主角。。。更何况是现在的两个月，两个月算什么？男主角用了几个月的时间来忘记前7年的感情，所以用几天的时间来忘记两个月的感情对一个男生来说当然是理所当然的啊。
没错！！！我们是不可能在一起了！！！但是可不可以请你至少证明一下你曾经爱过。。？？T_T 我知道我很自私，很不理智，很讨厌。。。可是。。。真的，是真的！！！

这几天是真的不知道倒了什么霉运，首先就是发现到他从他的MSN删除了我，然后就是发现他爱上了我的好朋友，再然后就是发现他们前一两天拍过的照片全都是站在一起的！！！什么“我就觉得他的人很奇怪！”嘛。。。假的通通都是假的！！！明明就是觉得他很好。。。明明就是跟他有密切的关系！！！！

然后就是那个“卡来”同学！！！哇佬！！！跟人家借了功课几天！！！还不还！！！重点是那个原本是要上个星期五5点之前交上去的！！！sms问她拿，她不回！一直打给她，她不接！！！facebook信息再次问她，她只会叫人家把另一部份的功课send给她，她要确认一下自己有没有做错。。。连一句对不起也没有！！！看咯，人家迟交了咯。原本想今天交的，再次sms她，她不回就是不回！！！我跟你讲如果我少掉那5分的话我真的是一辈子都记住这份仇的。。。跟她做到朋友真的是衰！！！！！AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
至于那个好朋友，我不会讨厌她，因为她真的是个好朋友。
我只会讨厌那个爱上她的人罢了！！！
虽然如此我发现到自己好像没办法面对他了。。。她们叫我出去吃饭的时候我不要。。。而且这几个月我都不打算要了，虽然不知道要给什么借口，又怕晚点出去打包的时候会遇见她们。
唉。

至于那个废人他是凭什么删除掉我蛤？？？？？？？！！！
又不是说我在MSN会找他聊！！！我们最后一次在MSN聊的时候是4月11日咧拜托！！！！==！！
要删又不敢光明正大一点，在facebook删除不就了了吗？？
我这辈子最讨厌就是被人delete！！！
然后她！！！之前嘴边挂的都是她的名。。。跟他走走到一半的时候“很闷咧，叫XXX一起出来啦”。。。“这个拍给XXX看”。。。“等下tag她”。。。“酱XXX咧？”。。。哇佬！！！那个时候我其实都不是跟她这么熟罢了的。然后他真的是一直tag她，post什么给我都一定会有tag到她。。。就连那时候分手后在facebook的那场大战，都要无关痛痒地tag她进来！！！！！
拜托！！！人家已经有两个优秀的人在追着了！！！你真的以为你配得起吗？？？

我超讨厌你！！！！！当初我是瞎了瞎了瞎了！！！！！ :@

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
=。=最近的生活真的好黑暗hor。。。
幸好身边还有一个小天使。。。。
真的是个超级天使的天使 =。=
如果不是他的话我想我应该是已经在精神病院里了。。。
thanks for everything, every single little thing. i really thank you from the bottom of my heart, my little angel. =)

2011-09-22T15:11:00.001-07:00

嘲笑着昨天那个无知的自己
哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈

到头来，我还是没能那么快！！！

2011-09-21T23:20:00.000-07:00

看到脸书，就想起了你。。。
想起了你，就看到牛奶。。。
看到牛奶，又想起了你。。。
想起了你，又遇见了你。。。
见到了你，又想起牛奶。。。
所以我刚刚买了牛奶，好多个月没买过了。。。
就当作是为了弥补刚才凌晨一时兴起喝的那杯咖啡吧。。。
我是为了我的骨头好。。。
那时候为了跟你比较配而选择了喝自己最讨厌喝的牛奶。。。
我总不可能把你看得比自己的骨头还重要吧。。。

夜深人静

2011-09-20T13:40:00.000-07:00

凌晨四点钟，我没有考试，没有在读书，在这里无所事事地上着网，也没有在聊天。
我突然只想写部落格。
要说什么好呢？又是感情事吗？
没错！感情事。。。不过如果要准确一点，应该说是“感情没事”。^^
他噢。。。他他他。。。直到今天，我依然还是很有缘份地一直在很random的地方、时间，看到他。
不知道我有没有在这里说过，可是是我主动提分手的，一个月半后也是我主动和他说我不想当朋友的。
oh。。。我刚去找了，原来真的有说过耶。。=.="

所以，就因为这样，所以我看到他的时候就会觉得更加尴尬了，一心只想要逃开，不想看到他，更不想让他看到我，不论我是自己一个人在走还是和朋友一起走。。。脚步都会不由自主地放快很多很多，然后设法躲在别人后面。==||

上数学节的时候，我还是和他同班。。。所以我每次都很讨厌上数学节。
我喜欢老师，而且我好朋友也在那班，然后我也没有讨厌他。
只是他很喜欢做在门附近，又坐在他那排的最外面，所以如果要进去坐下的话就一定要经过他。
爱迟到的我，每次进课室之前都会停顿几分钟，故意等到他好像最专心在做自己的事情的时候，才悄悄地把门打开然后迅速地溜进去坐在朋友隔壁。
课后，因为和朋友在一起的关系，所以我没办法像我想要的一样，第一时间冲出去。她们都慢条斯理的，通常都是最后几个出去的人。而他。。。一向来都是这样的吧，他也是差不多是最后一个出去的。
所以当我每次站在那边等她们收拾的时候，都是极之尴尬+不耐烦地。又要假装看不见他。。又要假装在那边开心地讲一些很无聊的废话。。。啊！！！=(
o.O 然后说到这里我突然想起，不懂昨天还是前天，面子书上有个朋友加了我，不知道她是按错了还是什么啦。。。不过。。。XD 还蛮开心的。不过最令我惊讶的是，我真的改变了很多很多。。。我并没有像以前想象的兴奋，只是有一种平淡的满足感而已。反正大家都长大了，都有各自的天空了，其实有没有也无所谓啊，不过有总比没有好。=) 至少这是个圆满的结局，原来我们并没有不欢而散。

我说到哪里去了。。。

说到以前的朋友，今天是我中学时一个要好的朋友的生日。
可是我已经与她完全失去联络了。她没有上面子书了，连她在哪里读书、读什么科系，我都不知道。。好失败噢。
几个小时前发送了一条简讯给她，maxis却传回来说她关机了。
她是换号码了吗？面子书上也没有显示她的生日，她的涂鸦墙也锁起来了。
也算了吧，只能遗憾自己不是个好朋友。

话说回来，总之我一直都很想逃避他。
也不知道他在不在乎我。。。也不知道他有没有和我一样想要避开我。。。
想必，没有吧。
可是有的时候我真的很想知道。。。他还爱我吗？还是他早就已经移情别恋了？反正他的情伤复原得很快嘛。。。快得真令人难以置信。。。
不知道是他很理智，还是装出来的，还是他是真的不在乎了，反而因此而感到轻松。。。
可是就如刚才有个好朋友提醒的一样，知道后又怎样？并不能改变什么，我也并不想改变什么。

说了这么多，我只想说。。。虽然我现在做的事情都代表我还很在意他，不过我很明确，很明确地知道，我已经完全没有喜欢他了。
没错，如果他有新恋情的话，我也会不爽的。我也在时时刻刻地观察着他的面子书，看到他不断加美女的时候我也会不爽之类的。。。
可是我真的，真的没有喜欢他了。=)

也不是因为我移情别恋了。

的确！！！我之前是有这样的目的。就是以一段新感情来埋葬这段破烂不堪的旧感情。
但是并没有成功。因为我发现到，不是说要喜欢一个人就可以真的喜欢上他的，不论他的条件再好，人再好。。。不能的。ok fine，我是很喜欢他，可是只是朋友性的喜欢，我也清楚地知道这个不会发展到哪里去。不论我说了什么，做了什么。。。内心说的始终还是实话。不可能的。=) 而且我也已经学习到了，这么好的朋友，不是拿来浪费在男女之间的情情爱爱上的。上次那个就是个好例子。。。都因为他人太好，让我想太多了。。。所以才会。。。变成现在这样。。。

然后如果你问我，我现在喜欢谁。。。well，虽然这对李美心来说是件非常不寻常的事情，不过我真的完全没有喜欢任何人。

少许的好感、醋意。。。当然会有。。。不过那个人，我更明白我和他是不可能的，因为我是对他的文字有好感。。。他的身高我真的是万分之接受不到的咯。=.=

最近啊我真的完全没有emo咯。虽然月事又来临了。。。可是我真的完全没有emo到。。。== 今年应该是第一次这样吧？wow... 没有喜欢人的时候，我真的是开心了好多。。。XD

所以，我在感情方面上真的没事了。^^ 至于他呢。。。我真的不知道，不过知道了也无济于事吧。。。原本会内疚的，不过既然他从msn block / 删除了我。。。那就算了吧！！！

proud :D

2011-09-14T23:15:00.000-07:00

After the unfortunate 擦肩而过 with him in a narrow corridor last Thursday, I learnt from the gained knowledge that he had a class at 2pm, whereas mine finished at 2pm.

So I was especially cautious just now...walking slowly, peering for a few seconds around all corners...ready to turn tail at the first sight of him...and altogether acting like a burglar or something...=.="

Then as I exited the academic block, I was starting to feel like my effort had been wasted...=.=" coz he would only turn up at the most unexpected moments...and a bit bu shuang also lo, the first time I'm being so careful, it's being wasted...and the next time I'm not careful, he sure will appear one...

Then I was still thinking about it as I stepped on the pathway leading to the hostel areas.

Think think think...but I was alert too, just in case.
And I saw somebody from afar...was it him? I couldn't be sure coz there was a lot of people in front of that guy.

Then I looked again...walao!!! it was really him!!! thankfully he was looking at his phone!!!

So i hurriedly scuttled across the road to the other side....

Result: I am so proud of myself now ^_^

College Life as I Imagined...

2011-09-13T20:44:00.000-07:00

It didn't turn out to be that at all.
I'd kept wanting and waiting impatiently to go to college/uni ever since I was in form 4 or 5.
Especially during the periods when me and she weren't talking.
I felt so lonely, so unhappy, so lifeless, and I just wanted to bring all of that to an end.
And I wanted to have my own room, a private room, where nobody could find me without my permission.
I imagined myself to be like my 2jie...renting an apartment with housemates.
And I imagined myself eating every meal outside.
Alone.
With earphones, nonetheless.
And sometimes, I would imagine having a certain "somebody" (that i was anlianing at that time) as my housemate. And I would have two more housemates besides him, and they would a couple already.
So we would be left alone together, and go out for walks and meals together, and Be together.
Then sometimes, I would imagine myself sitting on the grass under a tree in a sort of field or park, studying a thick book, and my prince would just pass by and fall in love with me and blablabla.
But the things I daydreamed about most was walking the night streets alone, listening to mp3, looking very cool and carefree and enjoying the solitude. This could be because of the partial influence of the song “牛仔裤日记”。。

And towards the date of departure, Daddy and all family members who kept telling me that if I continue being as unsociable as this, I wouldn't have ANY friends at all. And it would be a very sad thing.
And of course I was seriously worried about this...=.= but how can a person change herself just like that?
What would I talk about?
Would I have to live a fake hyper life during the rest of my future? I was so worried.

Then it was the day. The day I started a new chapter in my life.
But it's weird...the day we went on a school trip to INTI, the day of my registration at INTI and we were brought around the school, the day I first enrolled at INTI, the 2nd day of orientation week when we were brought around the school again. INTI looked so big, a maze, and I was forever in danger of losing my way. Every place looked strange during each of the times mentioned above.
But now...INTI looks different again, I really wonder why...but it doesn't seem to have any relation to the place that I was led around to explore so many months ago. It doesn't seem like the same place, and it seems so small (especially recently, when I am so lucky to meet Mr. X EVERY DAY i'm in school, at random locations and at random times. To Stalker: NO WE ARE NOT FATED!!!:@!!!)
And the first week was really different too. It was like I was a different person, living a different life. And I was soooooooooo worried because I couldn't seem to find my future classmates during orientation, all people in my group were studying degrees, or A-levels, or SAM.
Plus I only had that one friend, a guy. Whom I was gradually crushing on but very luckily he didn't know it and it was soon over in a month or so. Or maybe more. Anyway it was a breeze that came and went easily. =)

Anyway, I went to class. And it turned out that it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be.
A shy girl came and approached me and asked me my name at the end of the first class, and then...I thought we would never work out as friends because both of us were quiet, unlike in secondary school....plus I didn't like her at first sight because she reminded me of a certain ex-crush's current girlfriend.
But now...now...she is my most belovedest best friend :D and not so quiet after all. hahahaha.
To come back to my originally intended topic...the comparison between imagination and reality.
Nothing was like I ever expected. At all.

First of all, I was living in a hostel with many mafan guards and not in an apartment.
And I soon found out that walking alone at night, earphones or no earphones, was just an embarrassing, degrading, and weird experience. I mean, I really felt weird. Plus it was really quite scary. After a few times, I promised myself that I wouldn't do it again.
Who was to know that, after a few months, I would be walking the same streets, and more, and streets that were even darker, this time accompanied by another person. A person that has now left my life, and will never walk with me anymore. Anyway, there are some places that I will never walk to again, because unspeakable things have happened there, and I can't bear the memories, and I sincerely hope nothing like that will ever happen again, until I really have the right to let it happen. But not there, never there again.
To continue with the topic, I have never eaten alone outside too. In my room, yes. But outside, never. It was with that special friend for the first semester, then with him for half of the next. After it was over, my friend + friend 2 were impossibly nice...they forgot that I had virtually ignored them during "that" period of time. And after that, we would eat together all the time, until now. They were really, really nice, considering the fact that we're not even classmates anymore!

Who said I wouldn't have friends? I have them. They are few, but they are true. And unlike many people, I prefer having fewer friends, instead of a big crowd. I never feel secure in a crowd of people I know, but I feel happy and comfortable and safe in a crowd of strangers if there are 1 or 2 true friends there.
It's MY character, MY preference...why try to shape my mind and thinking with your own presumptions?

Anyway...continue...
Many things about me have changed since I first came here.
The biggest change in me is my 洁癖。
Sadly, it's only limited to my room here...and didn't spread to my home == maybe it's because it's toooo devastatingly dirty at home, plus the floor isn't white so it doesn't show the dirt lol.
And another thing is, I eat biscuits like breathing. O.o I really can't imagine why I'm still 45kg lol. And how could I be 48.2kg last year? I really don't know lo. == It's really nonstop eating, eating, and eating, and washing it down with milo afterwards.
And also, I stopped going to CF after 4 weeks of going, and didn't join it at all last sem and this sem. I still join CG though. It's a sad thing that I've stopped going, I suppose, but I really can't mix in with them, and was just standing there alone most of the time, feeling so awkward, and was the first to go back all the time. Maybe it was because I was too shy, or maybe because I really seriously suck at english-speaking.
But the people that I was introduced to during the first week were really nice la, they still wave at me now. =)
Yet another thing that's changed is my imaginations about my 1st love. I really, really experienced and know now, that 相爱容易相处难，and that I am really NOT gf-material. I am just too selfish and childish and easily jealous and hot-tempered to be one. =.= And it really, really wasn't what I imagined it to be before. Maybe it's because of the environment. And I also didn't realize that I didn't love him...I was too selfish to change my character for him, and he irritated me immensely too with his own character. I learnt that it's important to become true best friends first before starting any relationship. So that you can understand that person fully, and know that you can accept every inch of him or her, before it's too late. And never force people to make promises that you know they can't and don't want and won't keep.
Anyway...now we're just strangers. Not friends. He wanted to be friends, and we really were friends for a period of time...until he started ignoring me. :@ Anyway, I kept my promise to him...I didn't disturb him anymore since the assignment was safely passed up. But then he began to take the initiative to find me on facebook chat. I seriously don't understand this person. And I was quite cold to him.
Then, the last day of last semester, I posted a status about "it's time to go home and live a useless life", and he popped up in the chatbox and said "should do anything useful not useless." And I ignored him (dun ask me why =.=). Then after a long while, he popped up again and said "still friends, right?" and I told him I didn't want to be friends. Then blablabla and the conclusion is we're not friends anymore.
The reason I gave him (but I dunno if he understood or not) and another jiejie was, I'm scared I will fall in love with him all over again, and I don't want to be like this, 难以自拔。
But the true reason is, if I can't be his girlfriend, I don't want to be his friend either. I can't bear being just a normal friend to him, just the same as his 100000000 more friends out there, maybe even less. Because he ai mei with them, because he cares about them, because he says I MISS YOU to girls a dozen times a day. But me? I just have to answer stupid and pointless questions, usually asked in a way that I can't understand and frustrates me. So, if I've failed as a something, then I don't want to be anything. Anymore.
At least...I'm still special to him in that way.

But please don't misunderstand. I don't spend nights crying about him anymore. In fact I've stopped about a month ago. =) Just last night, after seeing certain photos, I burst out crying for 5 minutes again... but this time it was different. This time it wasn't missing him, it wasn't regretful feelings, it wasn't guiltiness, it wasn't sadness or what. It was just...crying. I didn't know why I cried, but I knew that this time, it was really different. I was perfectly aware of the fact, and aware that I had already accepted the fact, that we weren't going to be together anymore, and we just weren't meant for each other. But seriously I don't even know why I cried, I don't even like him anymore. And he is already missing somebody else everyday...well, cheers to him for having such a speedy recovery...what was it...1 week? 2 weeks? Anyway I spent about 2 months getting over it... Since we've just been together for 2 months, it should be enough already, right? Right. It's really been enough. =)

But one thing stayed the same in both my imagination and reality. I really, seriously enjoy my college life, tears and all. It's nothing like secondary school or the people from hometown (sorry ya). I love it and the people here. =)

smallllll T_T

2011-09-13T05:02:00.000-07:00

It's quite sad you know, the way the towel only stays wrapped around my body whenever I keep my chest puffed out, or when I've wearing a bra under it. If I'm not wearing anything underneath, it slips off when i exhale.

SIGH.

I'm not aiming for a perfect B cup you know...but still...T_T

原来我10岁时也是蛮可爱的~ 哈哈哈

2011-09-11T19:02:00.000-07:00

and i miss that cup..

phew!!!

2011-09-07T23:17:00.000-07:00

Mable!!! Your acting skills have improved!!! I'm proud of you for being such a good actor!!!
Ken!!! I love you so much for sms-ing me today, this hour!!! Thank you so much!!! ♥ You saved my life...
But really very sui...INTI so big, this sem really exploding with students...and yet I still have to 冤家路窄 along a corridor stuffed full of students...
Thank you Daddy for my mobile phone!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Hate Interfering Guards.

2011-08-17T10:17:00.000-07:00

I do I do I really do!!!!
Guards are paid to look after security aren't they? And take care of the complaints that they get from residents of the block that they're in charge of.
But NO WOR!!!
Just now I was at the study area opposite Block D, sitting at the first table.
And I was very cold plus I had been sitting there for almost 5 hours, so I was sitting in a weird and 粗鲁 position with my legs apart; to tell the truth, it wasn't very glamorous. But I didn't zou guang, I checked.
And then the guard came over from her block, and said to me with a beh song look on her face: "Ei. Sit Properly. I can see you from over there."

WTH??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to sit how also can't? At the most I spoil my own image only ma? And now INTI so few students, seriously who cares? Isn't it more important that I can study comfortably for my final exam tomorrow?

SERIOUSLY :@ LO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Made me no mood to study at all after that!!!! coz really too angry liao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :@ SERIOUSLY BUSYBODY!!!

Are you my family member? Are you my moral teacher? Are you even my friend?

NO!!! You're just a freaking GUARD. A guard that has nothing better to do. And it was about 1am that time, seriously can you please just go to sleep or what? It's not like any visitors would come to INTI at that time, and be shocked by the rough behavior of me. And it is sooooooooooo none of her business!!!! :@

And no, she wasn't being kind. I really didn't zou guang.

Maybe it's my period. Maybe it's just MableLee.

2011-07-24T08:04:00.000-07:00

Anyway, I left Facebook. Deactivated my account.
Anything important, please call me or text me. I won't be checking my email often.
Those who still want to chat, add my msn, mableleemx@hotmail.com.
I don't want to explain anything, it just hurts too much, and I'm too angry, and tired and I don't have any energy left in me. Crying like it's the end of the world, but actually all that has happened is that there's a someone.
I understand that those who eavesdrop never hear anything good about themselves.
Well, that wasn't strictly counted as eavesdropping, more like spying, and nobody was talking about me, but there was something that was happening that mattered much more.
Anyway, you won't see me on facebook for quite some time. Maybe this spell will wear off with my period, maybe it won't. And now I'm too tired to study or do my "group" project, but I don't want to sleep, I want to be the best and beat the rest...
Seriously, if kalai won't mind, I really want to leave that group and do an individual project, since our lecturer actually offers us the privilege of choosing for this project.
I don't want me to do all the work for 3 people, and all 3 of us get the same credit for it.
Like what I used to scream when I was small, NOT FAIR!
I want fairness. I want fairness towards me and them. Why should I do everything?

If you can't even agree to do what I tell you, and just ask me to WAIT for half an hour or more while you chat happily with other girls, well, I'm out of it. And then when I find you again, you don't reply. Until I lose my temper. Then you reply, offhandedly.

Seriously, I am so out of it. No more group projects for me anymore, thank you very much. At least not group projects that I have to be in a group with you. I am utterly inexpressibly thankful that we will not be in the same class after this semester, anymore. =)

Overload of self-pics

2011-07-12T08:58:00.000-07:00

Be prepared. Well, at least it's better than emo-ness, isn't it?
I wasn't very happy about the fact that I didn't have a webcam app in my laptop. I dunno why, since all my friends have this crystal-eye thing, but I dun have!!! The software is supposed to come together with the webcam in the laptop!!! T_T
Anyway, I went online and downloaded a software called Debut (14-day trial only, sadly, and it's expired since week).
Then I took a whole lot of pics and I was kinda embarrassed to upload them on Facebook (dunno why, maybe coz I've grown up, or maybe just bcoz my new friends haven't seen the zilian side of me). So I just uploaded one very modest pic of me and BunBun as my profile picture. haha... But I felt that they would be kind of wasted if I didn't show them to the public so here they are. blek.

Anyway, these were the very first pics, and they were taken in the very early morning (about 4am or something) of 30/6, before I knew I was going to break up with him (that occured around 11am or something).

ya i'm posing with the bottle. i attempted to make this my profile pic at first, but the thumbnail just turned out weird, so i deleted it.


then i considered this. but the eyes open too big liao, like so fake. lol

Then I went home for the weekend. I think my face just got a bit thinner with all the crying that I did.


And I became a panda.

Then I came back to Inti.

Then one day I went to class and they all said my lips were so white and asked if I was sick. I said I was born like that and they wouldn't believe it. Then when I reached my room I zilian again and realized that my lips were really quite pale that day.

Like, seriously. But I wasn't sick.

Another day, I took out my specs and tried them on and realized that after more than half a year of not wearing them, my short-sightedness had increased. T_T

I kinda like this pic, if it wasn't for the fact that my nose seemed to be so prominently big somehow, i'd profile-pic it.

I forgot to mention that I'd been losing my appetite ever since that day, and hardly ate anything, until it got to the point that my 5-month-pregnant-like tummy got almost completely flat. And I think I thinned down, too.


I really think so.

Sadly, after starting to have normal meals with my friends since a few days ago, my tummy swelled up again, and so did my face and all. haiz. T_T Anyway I'm back to normal size now. But then again, so is my mood, getting steadily better and better. Except for the fact that I cried in public today because I was so stressed out about my assignments (i hate group assignments, especially when i'm in the same group as he is coz he WON'T do anything!!! and I don't want to hate him just because of that), and that I was so kiasu coz I did badly in maths while everybody else got an A. And I only got 73. Haiz. And the fact that everybody seemed to have improved in their test results since last sem while it was only me who was going backwards (from 1st to 2nd or 3rd). Nah, KIASU. I don't think anybody knows this, since I've never really told anybody about it before (except for him, today, coz he was standing right beside the crying me =.=), but I'm really really kiasu, and I can't bear to slide down from the Best (in things that I'm best in) to the Second or Third best, least of all Average. I don't mind if I was average at first from the start, like in secondary school. But I do mind if I was the best from the very first. haiz. Anyway, to continue with the pics.

One of my pinker days. I was wearing light pink shorts as well.

And then I used the washing machine again, after months of not using it, coz the pail of unwashed clothes was so full that I decided not to challenge it with my bare hands.

After washing.

Was experimenting with my fringe last night. Hahaha I know ugly but I couldn't resist taking a few pics!

My eyes were big last night!!! Believe it or not I really didn't 睁 my eyes on purpose! XD ^^

Did it again just now, but with small eyes this time. :(

Last but not least, something cute!!! I got it by donating RM2. Originally, you had to pay RM2 to play games and win 3rd prizes to get them, but now they're left over and so no need play games also can get!!! XD And I also found out just now that yuan lai my phone can hang phone accessories 1!!! But I'm not hanging this there of course. ;)

So cute. ^^ There were different bears of different colours to choose from, but when in doubt, I chose pink. :P

2011-07-11T00:37:00.000-07:00

Ok...ok...I take back ALL the "patriotic" things I ignorantly said last year!!!
All I can say is, I really, really, really look down on our government and all the horrible leaders of our country!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (note: HORRIBLE leaders, some are not horrible but they're not in the limelight at the moment so i dunno about them)
:@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kfc

2011-07-04T03:44:00.000-07:00

I lent him my torch for his camp... Just now I passed to him, around 6.30, he has another meeting or something at 7pm...so he was in a hurry...
He'd cut his hair...because 失恋？how i know...
Anyway, he really looked like he was in a great hurry...
He stuffed this plastic bag to me, saying 哪，给你吃的。。
“我不要。。。”
“我讲真的，我真的是拿给你吃的，我吃不完。”
“什么来的，不要啦。。”
“拿住，快点，我赶时间，钱明天才还我，sorry啊，赶时间。。。”
Then he disappeared and i was left standing there holding the bag.
Then I looked inside and saw kfc's picture on the box.

Then I suddenly remembered, the last week we were together, I was pestering him from day to night saying that I wanted to eat kfc whenever it was mealtimes...then he said 你要我去哪里变出来给你。。。then i said 我要。。。

And now...
Then he msg-ed me saying i long time no eat already, enjoy ya.. things like that... told me the straw for the 汽水was in the big plastic bag and all that..and sorry coz he really rush... like that...

He didn't know that my definition of kfc and his definition of kfc was different...
His definition of kfc: kfc.
My definition of kfc: eating my favourite fast food together with my favourite person. not sitting in a room sobbing and looking at the unopened box unappetisingly.

T_T

SO DAMN EMO

I'm crying again.

walao eh. u tell me how to eat!!!!! recently i no appetite tau. now crying, more no appetite. it will be tasteless and wasted. T_T

Me and My Ultra Emo

2011-07-03T22:49:00.000-07:00

I can't!!!! T_T
Last Saturday morning I thought I had completely gotten over this...so happy and felt so victorious and all...
Then he called me, just as a friend, ask me if i can borrow a bag to him for the camp he's going to, but turned out i dun have any suitable bag... anyway, chatted about normal stuff (like assignments) for about 20 minutes...
It's been a long time since we've talked for so long on the phone, the last (long) time was during our sem break, when we were first together...
And the last time I remember talking to him on the phone was asking tearfully “你觉得跟我在一起会很辛苦吗？” and him answering “没有啦” in a not-very-happy tone coz he was in the middle of a nap.
Anyway, very normal and all...
Then at night dunno why suddenly i thought of us and some tears spilled out, but a bit only, really a bit only...
But last night I emo-ed in bed for 2 hours plus...crying all the time...
And just now also, I started crying and couldn't stop...kept thinking of him...us...no more us...
Am crying again now as I type this...
I don't even dare to go for lunch or dinner with my friends coz I'm afraid I'll suddenly start crying and they won't know what to do and it will be so awkward..
After all, last week also, I cried non-stop once i was alone in my room, then in class also crying but pretending to sleep...even on the way to class or on the way back to my room, the tears also want to spill out of my eyes...so difficult to control even though i'm walking in the public....
AAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!! I really can't stop crying...I miss him so much and I hate myself for doing so... so 没有毅力...even he has gotten over it, why can't I?
I feel like such a disgrace...dunno how to stop...If it was only EMO, like dun wan to smile or feel very :@ to all the people around me, I wouldn't mind quite so much... but this is... I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF, CAN'T STOP MYSELF FROM CRYING!!!!!!!!!!!!
And and and I can't stop myself from imagining how we would embrace and be back together again in no time...I CAN'T!!!!!!!!!! Like last time during the cold war with a certain friend, that lasted for half a year... I just can't stop these stupid imaginings. And the worst thing is that in the friend's case, that was okay, BUT THIS IS NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED to break up with him, the cause of all this is because i need to do so!!!!!!
Just so weak... Sometimes I don't even know why I'm crying... I feel like i'm degrading my own tears, by letting them leak out when there is no real tragedy to let them do so..
I really, really am not 习惯 with being friends with him... When he talks and chats with me in the way he does with other people... Although before this also almost the same... But, it just feels so sad and cryable to know that I'm just another normal friend of the opposite sex to him (he has A LOT and he's so nice to all of them, that's what made me jealous and first 冲动之下提出分手的原因, if not, maybe we would still be together even now, wrong as it is,)... I just find it so difficult to accept...
And he's going to this camp from wednesday till sunday... even though he's not my boyfriend anymore but i will still miss him so much and feel so pointless staying in inti for the rest of the week (same like last time in sec school, when my crush didn't come i would sooo feel like skipping school for the rest of the day and just go home)... I dunno.... I shouldn't be like this..
AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!
I did pray about this, but every time i prayed it would just result in me crying more than ever...
I really want the time to fly past... Fast.... Then when it's this time, next year, maybe I wouldn't care so much anymore.

2011-07-01T20:01:00.000-07:00

I don't need a boyfriend.
I don't need ANYTHING except God.
All the other things are just little presents He will provide to me along the way of life. =)

26/4 - 30/6

2011-06-30T22:23:00.000-07:00

我做了一件很错的事情。
我的初恋没有了。。。
其实这场恋爱打从一开始就是一个错误。。。
我是知道的，可是却期盼以后可以慢慢把它变对。。。
这场恋爱中，我做了很多很错的事情（sub）。。。我的全部“初”都没有了。。。（除了初夜==）。。。
我不知道自己为什么会这样。。。我真的不知道为什么会变成这样的一个人。。。
不但如此，我就连做这件错的事情也做不对（是个很不好+没有用+很小气的女朋友）。。。
不知道一个星期还是两个星期前，几乎每一天，我都开始说要分手了，可是每次最后都没有分到。。。因为我太舍不得他了。。。
就连昨晚，昨晚我也受不了控制。。。。。。可是幸好他没有答应/也是累了/刚睡醒。。。
Anyway，就此结束。。。
虽然确定自己现在做的决定是非常对的，可是。。。还需要很多时间来疗伤一下。。。动不动就哭。。。
看到的人能不能顺便为我祷告一下。。。我真的很很很很难受。。。

Me and my Emo.

2011-06-25T02:41:00.000-07:00

Hi I'm blogging again and it's all because of my freaking period.
Make me one whole week so emo, and I dunno why somemore coz it only came this morning. Actually it should have come earlier (not sure of the exact date), but dunno why it got delayed on the way.. == however the hormones still managed to trigger my emotional nerves very punctually...trigger until now... =.=

Haiz... This week... I cry every time I'm alone in my room...And is cry until quite violent de....

Yesterday something happened that made me look down upon myself and other things...when I reached my room I terus cry like I'm alone at home like that...like when I was a kid and got beaten by Mummy ==... like REALLY REEAAALLLY LOUD........ And cried for a long long long time...until want to vomit de that type.... Then all of a sudden there was a continuous kok-kok-kok-kok-kok-kok-kok, kok-kok-kok-kok-kok-kok-kok...on my door. My mouth and throat straightaway zipped up I can tell you. == So embarassing you know. Where got uni student cry like that de, in between a toddler and a wild animal.

Then I peeped out of the eye hole and saw a guard standing outside the door. @_@ Erm yeah actually I hadn't quite finished crying yet so I was so not going to open the door. Furthermore, and most importantly, I had this horrible feeling that my wild howling could be heard very very clearly from downstairs, and the guard had specially come all the way up to level 3 just to find out what the problem was about.

So I stood there, just gazing out of the eyehole at the guard, and after knocking for a long time, the guard went away......to the opposite side of the passage, and continued staring at my room from over there. @_@ After that only she went away.

I didn't dare to open my door until it was the time for my next lesson I can tell you.

And last night I really so freaking emo. I kept feeling so ashamed of myself...I felt like such an awful failure in everything I do. In fact I emo until I went out for a walk round our resident blocks at 5am in the morning. That time raining heavily somemore. I was shivering when I first went out and felt the cold wind (like really vibrating nonstop like that), but then after that when I walked out into the rain I didn't feel the cold anymore.

Some crazy students at that time dunno why still outside, and I guess they were appalled to see an emo figure walking alone aimlessly in the rain, so one of them shouted "excuse me!! excuse me!!" after me, but the emo person pretended not to hear.

After about 25 minutes I walked enough already and went back to my room, not daring to look at the guard (even though she was a different one but still it's quite shocking to see the sight of me).

Dunno why my antibodies so strong one I didn't even catch a cold leh. lol. But on the downside, maybe the rain and the cold wind had somehow triggered my hormones again and my period came this morning SOBSOBSOB.

Then today I emo again and cried again but took care to keep my voice down.

Nah. The end of a very emo post.

P/s: To think that I used to blog twice or thrice or even quadrice(???) in a day!!! And now not more than 3 times a month. walao eh. Facebook replaces all. =.=|| Coz even though there is less privacy, there is more concern and care over there, plus most importantly it loads so fast compared to blogger. So. Like that la. This one I blog here coz I dun wan a periody status on my profile. :P Oh and I finally succeeded in connecting my speaker to my laptop. It "didn't work" before this, but only because I didn't turn up the volume, zzzzzzzzz.... Gtg wash my clothes, babye.

I take back what I once said...

2011-05-28T04:20:00.000-07:00

...about friends.
I said they weren't important. I said I don't need them.
Well, some of them JUST CAN'T HELP being so cute and lovable.♥
So the conclusion is, it just depends on who the person is.
I realized that chatting with them makes my mood so much better and I feel like a little girl again, pure and clean and free from all the...umm, things that I've done lately. I can forget about all of that, and go back to the beginning of the year, go back to innocent happiness. ^^

我讨厌你的什么？

2011-05-18T10:22:00.000-07:00

我讨厌你，超过半个小时才回复我。。。在我最需要你陪的时候回每封信息都至少要隔十几分钟！
我讨厌你，问你在做么的时候你就说没做什么，可是为什么你回信息的速度如以上句子！！！
我讨厌你，因为你害到我这两天在房间里除了哭还是哭，都快干掉了你还不知道。
我讨厌你，让人家等了好几个小时（+哭），还在那边嬉皮笑脸一副超级无所谓的样子！
我讨厌你，每次我说没事，我要睡觉之类的话你都真的相信！
我讨厌你，因为我每次很认真地打了封信息，哭了很久很久以后，你终于回了一个haha。。。
我讨厌你，你每次都不明白我要的是什么。
我讨厌你，因为你每次都很努力地想逼我改变成别人，成为你的理想对象！很抱歉！那个人明明就是她，你明明就想把我改变成她。。。我很讨厌！！！讨厌你！！！
我讨厌你，因为每次我有什么东西不敢做的时候，还是不会做的时候，你都不会自动+主动地帮我做，反而还用那种看不起我的句子来跟我沟通！！！
我讨厌你，我已经接受了你的每一个缺点，为什么你还要把我的几十个缺点挖出来讲还要我纠正？！
我讨厌你，我心情不好的时候你不是陪我，而是叫我一个人去冷静！@_@
我讨厌你，我自己一个人（孤单的背影！！！）走掉的时候很明显就是要你跟着来！不是要你send一封很没有用加很不爽的信息过来！！！
我讨厌你，因为你不知道我每次不想上英文课的原因并不是因为课很超级无聊，更不是因为我讨厌老师，而是因为你让我吃醋，很酸很酸的醋！！！你很应该知道她有完你心目中的理想对象的特征，她开朗，她很会交朋友，她很会替别人着想！！！可是你不知道！还一直在那边以为我不懂分对错！课要上我比谁都了解！最后我不是每次都有去上？是不是？
我讨厌你，每次我心情超烂的时候还要用那种不爽的表情来望着我还要在那边叹气！！！
我讨厌你，什么事情都是以后以后以后。。。可能以后你会改变主意咧，很难讲。。。这些事情不用我跟你讲，以后你就会慢慢发现到了的。。。好心！我都会背了！但是请问你的以后有多后？！
总之我就是讨厌你，讨厌你为什么是个男生！！！！！！！！！

2011-05-07T10:12:00.000-07:00

最近真的是越来越哭包了。
不应该。

Must Stop This!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-04-01T19:44:00.000-07:00

So me and sc have gotten past the awkward period long long ago and are now very very good friends and almost inseparable...nicknames and all...
And we started talking about handsome guys, and all of a sudden I have 3 shuai ges (actually it's 5 but the other 2 don't actually count coz not classmates in any class)... so I am super 花痴 nowadays but nobody knows or is ever going to know the reason behind this 花痴ing... well I can just say that I really have a reason for doing this, and maybe some things don't matter as much as I make them out to be, and others matter more than they appear to be... much much more.
So anyway, this shuai ge business... it was starting to bring me closer and closer to the point...the point of no turning back... anyway I decided just to stay there, no secrets involved; even though she may think that they Are secrets, but seriously I don't actually give a crap who knows about them. The more the better, in fact. Except for themselves la, later I dunno wan find which hole to crawl into.
But yesterday, due to the menstrual cycle that was about to start again approximately 45 minutes later, my mood was down...really down... and I had such a lot of things on mind especially something (totally unrelated to my love life ok)... So I told the something to her and was so frustrated that I actually went and cried on the bus. But nobody saw la, and hopefully she was not just pretending to be stupid when I told her that I had a cold. zzzz. But... I was moaning to her... asking her opinion... showing her the super super super emo side of myself that I've only ever shown when I'm alone in my room. However, I did explain to her that I thought my period was about to come coz that's the way I always am when it's due... and tadahh it came like a waterfall as soon as I got down from the bus. =.=||
But what I want to say is... I don't want to make her an outlet for my feelings. I Don't Want!!!! And I can give nothing in return (except for translating a random lot of English words to Chinese for her and correcting alllllllllll her grammatical errors in a group assignment), coz when I asked her, she said her mood is always good. =.= Well, I can see that lo. She's the kind of person that I can never imagine being emo, coz she's always so calm. =.= When I asked what she would do if she was really really unhappy (I think that was last month, when my period was about to come again ==), she said she would watch dramas and sleep. walao A.

So anyway, I Must Stop This! Or else the same thing will happen all over again. And I don't want it to, even though she is not really that kind of person. No, not not really; not at all. But... who knows?

2011-03-18T02:20:00.000-07:00

Just now suddenly remembered an old song -- All Kinds of Everything...
So I searched it on Youtube, and as I was listening to it I remembered Mummy telling me that she liked this song very much... I remember hearing her sing it when she was in the bathroom...
And then I began to cry...
it's been so long since she died, 3 years already! I still can't get over it?
And I haven't thought about her for quite long, and haven't cried about her for even longer, unless you count the times when I'm suddenly overcome by emoness, like the few days before my period comes every month...
But this is not it... how could I let a song do this to me?
But... I can still remember her "bathroom voice"...
Don't even know why I'm blogging about this, trying to draw attention and pity maybe? Don't know and don't care.
But... I miss Mummy MUMMY I MISS YOU SO MUCH

:(

2011-03-15T05:51:00.001-07:00

I don't like hearing people shouting at each other, especially when it's people I know

那个你

2011-03-12T11:22:00.000-08:00

现在是凌晨三点十一分。。。
明天早上八点前要起床，可是我现在完全睡不着。。。
想做功课，却又做不下去。。。

突然。。。突然我又想起某个人了。。。
近来这几天。。。不，都有一个星期了。。。我都一直想起你。。。
你现在过得应该还算不错吧？
你还记得我吗？你现在有在读着我的部落格吗？我想应该没有吧。。。哈哈，没关系。。。
““如果现在我们还在一起会是怎样”。。。脑海中突然浮现出这句歌词。。。

如果那时候我有挽回你。。。
如果那时候我没那么幼稚。。。
如果那时候我没那么自私。。。
如果那时候我有尽到一个朋友，就只是一个普通朋友，应尽的本分。。。

如果，如果！许许多多的如果！如果这些如果都发生了。。。现在会是怎样？
我们还会保持着联络吗？
还是我还会像现在一样，努力地只想把中学生活忘得一干二净？还是我依然还会自私地只顾着过眼前的新生活？

你现在怎样了？那时候撒在你心中的种子，还有继续发芽成长吗？
我心中已经有了答案。。。
对不起是我的错。。。我没帮你浇水、灌溉。。。对不起。。。
但我希望会有个接班人帮我完成我的工作，既然我自己应该没有机会做到了。。。

你啊。。。还记得我吗？还记得我吗？偶尔还会想起我吗？

你还有这么讨厌我吗？

还是你真的，真的完全不在乎了。。。

unhappy

2011-03-08T09:44:00.000-08:00

I am really really unhappy.
I TOLD myself I wouldn't let this happen again... I did... I sincerely believed that I could do it... I told myself that I was 18, that I wouldn't be childish anymore, that I wouldn't have false hopes and childish childish crushes and drink childish childish childish vinegar... and yet I LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN. arrrrrrrrgh!!!!!!!!! wanna scream!! In fact I was moaning and whining really loudly on my bed just now... found out I couldn't sleep and came back to online. Jealousy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! all because of one word, JEALOUSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate myself for being so weak, for not being able to extinguish this problem after more than 17 years of living!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was born like that, it was implanted in my heart, but I was just too weak to be able to uproot it.

oh well. on the bright side, I got the highest marks for basic computing test. But who cares anyway, I know I didn't do really well, it was the test paper that was easy!!! And I didn't score well in the paper that I really really wanted to -- English. Well, I got 76, higher than most of the class but still not high enough for the standards I set. My essay's marks was incredibly low... coz I wrote 3 pages when only 250 words were required. Coz I was too lo1 so1 on the introduction. Well, there goes.

I feel like a kid!!!!!! XD

2011-03-04T00:31:00.000-08:00

I'm so happy for getting the highest marks in class for my General Studies test!!!! Just that I wish it was some other more useful subject, and that the marks didn't only occupy 10% of the final results....
But I'm really so happy!!!!!!!!! XD and I feel really cihldish for being so happy (though i didn't show it :P)

Haha!!!!!! At first really so scared lo, coz our lecturer said that only 7 people passed...!!!!! (our class has around 40 people)........ Then when she distributed the test papers, the first one was mine! @@|| Then she said I got the highest, 44 out of 50...so happy!!!!!!! XD

And by the way I was SHOCKED to find out the passing mark... coz in secondary school 30% also can pass, this one hor...below 50% already considered failed.... @@|||| so okayyyy....

And just now we just finished our Business Studies test!!!!!!!!!!! So happy!!!!!!! 6 chapters o, finally finished the test, it's over!!!!!! (results later=.=)

But now......it is time for ASSIGNMENTS >_<

2011-02-28T23:19:00.000-08:00

刚刚一时的无聊~在google找到这个link~~~

所以就说嘛，网上写的东西都是不能相信的~~~
几年前的自己，基本上都是百分之九十九相信的那种~==||
还好现在长大了~

为什么会这么说呢？
因为如果他们说的都是真的话，那就代表我已经“爱上”他了~ 但我却明明确确地知道，没有。

When in doubt, choose...

2011-02-28T22:15:00.000-08:00

(yeah this idea came from Dawn's famous statement hahaha)

Colour:
When in doubt, choose pink

Flavour:
When in doubt, choose orange

Food:
When in doubt, choose veggies

Answer during exam:
When in doubt, pick your First choice

Invitation:
When in doubt, just decline

Companions:
When in doubt, choose to be alone

Activity:
When in doubt, choose the one that doesn't make you feel guilty

Hairstyle:
When in doubt, just blow-dry it, comb it and let it be

Clothes:
When in doubt, choose T-shirt

Direction:
When in doubt, go straight

Language:
When in doubt, choose English

Irritating people:
When in doubt, choose to ignore

Irritating comments:
When in doubt, just Delete, don't bother to explode OR explain

Expression:
When in doubt, choose =)

New friends:
When in doubt, let them choose you

Lifelong Partner:
When in doubt, Do Not Choose At All.

Ok... most of them are just choices that I would make in my daily life... but there are some that can be used by everyone else too =)
Figure out which is which yourself ^^

this is probably the most important blog post in this blog...

2011-02-24T07:05:00.000-08:00

你说人若爱世界爱父的心不在他里面
你说人若爱世界爱父的心不在他里面
给我一颗单纯的心全心全意单单爱你
胜过世界的诱惑完全地降服于你

在这美好的夜晚，有个美好的姐妹把我唤醒了~
我，不是个基督徒~
但我会是。我要尽到基督徒应尽的本分，我现在就开始学习。
我要认识神，我不要神对我说“我不认识你”。
我不要再和别人一起说谁的坏话，谁都好。
我要原谅人，我不要讨厌人。
如果有一天，在哪儿，哪儿都好~~~ 再次遇见了某某人，我不会恨恨地将脸转开。即使不是朋友。我要微笑。
我不要为明天忧虑。
我不要再担心SPM的成绩。或许好，或许不好，但我相信，即使不好也是为我好的。。。纵使不是为我好，那也不重要，因为那个都是属世的。。。学费其次，其实我最在乎的还是我的面子。面子不重要，是时候放下了。。。重要的是我爱神，重要的是我要成为一个新的人，并且不断更新。
From now, I will always ask myself: 如果是耶稣，他会怎么做？然后就照做。
我不要告诉自己，噢我还小，我刚开始罢了，有些事情我是做不到的，迟点先吧。不能。我荒废了17年多的时间，不能再迟了。
之前都很三分钟热度，一夜、一星期之前就冷却了。这次我真的真的希望不会了。我要这篇部落格不断地提醒着我，也希望读到的人。。。如果某一天你们看见我跌倒了，请你们扶起我，请你们把这个link send给我，谢谢！

2011-02-20T20:28:00.000-08:00

My laptop hadn't shut down properly since I left it this morning (there was an orange light and my mouse was still glowing), and when I tried to start it up again, the light beside the start-up button turned blue but the screen was still as black as a tunnel...nothing happened! pressed the button again and again and again...hard and long...but still nothing... and there was nothing I could do, since it's a freaking laptop that doesn't enable me to see Anything that's going on inside, no wires or whatsoever (not like a computer)!!! I was getting ready to cry cry AND CRY already lo! Coz (*ashamed face) I DIDN'T backup any of my documents!!! T_T
Then I prayed with all the faith I could muster...and Trusted that it would all be okay that next time I pressed the button... then I pressed it once more... and Tadah!!! It shut down!!!! And I pressed it once more and it started up and here I am using it!!!!!!!
It's not like I didn't have enough faith or what... but seriously... I was quite shocked!!!! I mean... like... it was totally not working one second, then I tell God about it and ask for His help, and then it works, it's on!!!!! THANK YOU GOD THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!! Small though it may be, I think it might be considered as a miracle, right? ^^ And so, I am going to play my part too, starting from today...I want to do something for Him!

2011-02-20T03:11:00.000-08:00

I'm a girl, I'm having hormonal changes, that's why I have random mood swings all the time.
And I've realized that people of the same type really can Not be together... it's like a magnet, the North Pole can only be attracted to the South Pole... the North+North will only repel each other...
We need friends of the exact opposite, so that we can rub off each other's corners and carry out Mutualism or whatever it's called...==||
Though, experience has taught me that it doesn't necessarily work out that way, either......

And I want to say... Someone has been acting quite weirdly lately, both in real life and in msn (though maybe it's just me and my thinking-too-much)... It's like last month is replaying itself, all over again....

2011-02-14T21:50:00.001-08:00

心情糟到透顶。

寻人启事

2011-02-13T06:17:00.000-08:00

主题：丈夫
姓名：对的人
性别：男
住址：在那遥远的未来

时间：1993年12月1日 12.46p.m
联系方式：在此部落格留言

~~只是好奇地想知道，你到底会是谁…~~

~~只是好奇地想知道，你究竟是否存在…~~

后来，我得到了答案…

此寻人启事正式被定为废除。

告白的后果：少一个朋友

2011-02-13T05:25:00.000-08:00

Either way, 你都会：
少一个朋友，多一份尴尬
or
少一个朋友，多一寸暧昧
or
少一个朋友，多一个情人

第三个谁不要的，请先给自己两巴掌然后骂自己“多嘴”。><"

2011-02-13T02:58:00.000-08:00

原来爱笑的人会这么讨人喜爱~ 哈哈~ =D
偏偏本小姐不爱笑，因为笑得不好看 T_T

2011-02-12T07:23:00.001-08:00

Ok... I admit I kind of expected something like that...
BUT I DIDN'T IMAGINE IT WOULD BE SO FREAKING EMBARASSING!!! ><"!

2011-02-11T19:54:00.000-08:00

昨晚第一次吃杯面。^^

2011-02-11T10:35:00.000-08:00

走路时。。。
如果不断地往后看，将会很容易跌倒。。。
所以，凡事都要向前看。。。

过去的，已经过去了，谁也改变不了，即使天天在部落格呻吟。

李美心！别再多事了！够了。

what i'm doing now

2011-02-11T09:09:00.001-08:00

moaning. whining. singing. sighing. chatting.

2011-02-11T08:59:00.001-08:00

moaning. =.=

I did two wrong things today.

2011-02-10T05:17:00.000-08:00

1st of all, I want to talk about what happened just now. It's like this de. Our group leader for Business Studies assignment said to have a meeting today, 9pm. And this afternoon only I knew that care group (cell group) meeting was 8pm to 10pm... b4 that I just knew that it started at 8pm. So I was debating whether to attend or not... if I just attended it for one hour, would it be ok? Or I don't attend it at all??? Then I made up my mind Not to attend it. Then just now after dinner, 7.30, I saw a "long-lost" friend, and he said he was going to attend, but when he heard that I wasn't going, he said he didn't want to go also. =.= So I started to 犹豫不决 lo, dunno want to go or not... and then he said still got time, he will confirm later. So I went to take my bath. After that, 7.50pm, I smsed him but his hp was switched off. So in the end I didn't go.

And just now, 8.45pm, one of our group members found me in facebook chat and said that another group member sms-ed another group member to say the group leader wasn't free, she was going to a gathering night. =.= You can imagine my feelings lo... so angry xia, WHY EARLY EARLY NEVER SAY??? AND WANT A TO TELL B TO TELL C TO TELL D SUMMORE??????

But then... I realized that I couldn't blame anybody when it was Me who was actually doing the wrong thing. I could have gone to the cell group. But I didn't I didn't I didn't... I really could have gone! It was my fault, hence the status update on Facebook. Now I know I did wrong... in fact I knew it from the beginning and was feeling guilty but I tried to convince myself that it was nothing much. Anyway... I apologized to God just now... and I hope I will never do something silly like that another time.

The second thing hor. Ermmmm.....
It's like this de. There's one person in our class, let's call her X. After an incident that happened once in class, during a group presentation, I started to dislike her, a lot. :( And I felt it was so wrong, coz we hadn't even known each other for a month! So I didn't show it, and pretended to like her like a normal friend. Oh and btw X was mentioned in one of my previous blog posts, and she's mentioned in this very blog post too...but I won't say anymore! So anyway, as the days passed, I started to 看不顺眼 everything that she did... the friends she made... the way she talked and laughed... I disliked them so much, and I felt mean for doing so!!! Then today during Malaysian Studies, I found out that.... actually half the class dislikes her!!! O_O|| Half or maybe more. So anyway there we were, four girls finding out that each of us disliked her very much too... and being very happy coz b4 that we thought that we were the only one that did so! And finding out that some of the boys in our class disliked her too. =.= And we talked about why we disliked her... talked until very 投入 and happy, as girls are when they are discussing people's 是非。Btw, we really have a very solid (and not unreasonable) reason to dislike her de la. But I won't talk about it here.

Then when I reached my room, I started regretting for joining in the topic afterwards... Coz last time, since I've heard that people've been saying bad things about me behind my back (but THEY were being really unreasonable lo seriously =.=), I promised myself that I would never talk bad about people behind their backs anymore, coz I know now how it feels like to find out. But I broke my word. I never gave her a chance to change herself, I never considered the fact that she didn't know what she was doing was wrong coz nobody ever told her.

I'm so sorry for all the wrong things that I did today...

crying?

2011-02-09T08:02:00.000-08:00

In Facebook Chat
*Friend says something that makes me very happy*
I smile. I smile wider. I laugh. I cry.

After that
I yawn. Tears come out, as is usual. Then I start sobbing... ?! ><"

Conclusion: 2day I sot liao

new vs old

2011-02-09T07:44:00.000-08:00

During the Dark Days (as I persistantly call them in my mind!!! means the days that I...erm...was unhappy in school), I've always wanted and waited and WAITED for the day that I could leave secondary school and go off to college and start a new life.

Well, I got what I wanted. I've got new friends, new churchmates, new classmates, a new room, new environment, can online until Na.m., can eat what I want and as much or as little as I want, and all that... and I feel perfectly at home here.

I'm happy almost all the time, except when my period is due... == Coz I don't have any reasons to feel sad, or feel lonely, or angry, or whatever...

All my friends are still on the "new and pleasant" level, and will probably remain like that until we graduate. =.= But I don't mind, it's so much better than the 计时炸弹 type... I'm not trying to make any comparisons here, and nothing will ever replace secondary school friends... but it's really a lot relaxing now, I don't have to worry about silly small things anymore... No more... Those days are really finally over...Over!!! So over that I don't know why they had to happen... I don't know why I cared about just ONE person so much! Come on, it's not like I didn't have other friends... I did... but that one was just so different and capable of affecting my mood, or maybe it was just bcoz the others didn't have a temper or any reason to get fed up with me...

And, the thing about my new most-good (I won't say best yet) friend is, she isn't really the OH I HAVE LIKE 1000000000000000 FRIENDS sort of friend... in fact she is quite diam. And that's what I like about her!!! Coz that kind of friend would Definitely prefer to be together with a big crowd of friends rather than just 2 or 3. And... I don't like crowds. Seriously, I soooooo do not fit in with crowds.

And... ok this is totally out of topic, but I'm so worried about taking my SPM results lately!!! The cause of my minor insomnia at night is 65% bcoz of this lo!!! =( It's not just about the results itself, though I AM freaking out when I try to count how many possible A's that I can get coz... erm... the number that I end up with is always so small no matter how many times I count it. =.= But what I'm worried about is, what day will it be on? Is the date confirmed yet? Coz I have classes every day and it is certain to be on a week day. Would I miss a lot of classes? Of coz, I could ask Daddy to take it for me if I really couldn't make it... but this kind of thing, of coz I must be the first person to know de ma! And yet and yet... I really don't want to go back to tbs anymore... I don't want to see my former classmates, schoolmates, teachers, dewan... I don't want to see anything that reminds me of last year...

I wanted to start a new life, and I got it... So why can't I just forget and let go of the old one?

2011-02-07T01:56:00.000-08:00

What's up?
Nothing.
What's down?
Me. Or rather, my mood.

Not really that down la actually, I mean, I can still laugh and talk and all that... but, just lower than usual lo.

****************************************************
Rule number 1: Never flirt with me again, please.
Rule number 2: Don't be one person on the net and another person in the real world. I mean, of course I know I'm one of those people... but I'm me! And this rule is made by me, so it naturally excludes me. ^^
Rule number 3: If you MUST keep your door wide open, please remove that unsightly bra hanging on your cupboard, which is RIGHT BESIDE your door. And turn down the volume of your music thanks. ^^

2011-01-31T06:16:00.001-08:00

气！！！><"

2011-01-31T05:55:00.001-08:00

我不想讨厌你。不要逼我。==

*thoughtful mood

2011-01-30T23:38:00.000-08:00

I viewed back my previous post and realized that......

Most of the things that I remembered... were Bad things...

Something to think about... hmmm...

Nostalgic!!!

2011-01-30T20:51:00.000-08:00

I remember the days when I wanted to stay that age forever and never grow up...
I remember the days when I was waiting impatiently to finish UPSR...
I remember the days when I was desperately wanting to finish secondary school and go to college...
I remember the (last) days when I suddenly didn't want to leave school anymore...
I remember the day when I finished my Bio exam, I was looking forward to the last day of SPM, Chinese...
I remember the days when 11 years olds seemed like grownups to me...
I remember the days when I was still saying my age in "and a half"s...
I remember the days when I could play tapes by myself (and now I can't anymore!)...
I remember the days when Anna Doll was first released from the locker after long years of imprisonment (imagine, that was already 6 years ago!)...
I remember the days of kindergarten...of wearing the uniform which is now different...of the bus with black footprints while it was raining...
I remember my first minor operation... of the horribly strong "strawberry flavoured" anesthetic... of the first time that I tasted and fell in love with Japanese tauhu (yes, in the hospital ==)...and now I pick it every time I go to the mixed rice stall in our cafeteria... And I remember all the horrible and unnecessary pain before that... cotton wool sticking to the wound... cutting it in a clinic... inflammation... and after the operation, thread left inside... =.=||...!!!!
I remember my second (and last) minor operation... actually it wasn't strictly an operation even la... of how Mummy covered my head with my blouse... of how I was actually crying under the shirt coz of the extremely painful injection... the injection was like the doctor was threading the needle round my erm...lump?... and how it was numb and I couldn't feel anything after that... except, as the doctor described, "like I'm tugging at your skin"...
I remember the time when I was 12 and I was staying in the children's section of Putra Hospital...=.= coz that time I was dehydrated and needed to stay for a few days, and only in the children's section could we have grownups to accompany and sleep with us... so I stayed there with toddlers, even though I was due to enter secondary school in a few weeks' time... =.= and how it was soooo boring and nauseating... and how I finished the 6th Harry Potter book in one morning... =.=|| and how Anna Doll (and Beany Bear?) visited me...
I remember the first time I obtained a big scar... by jumping down from the bus... then I got it on my knee...in standard 6...
I remember the second time I obtained....erm, big scarS... during PJ, when we were playing "eagle catch chicken"... then I fell down and hurt both my elbows...in form 2...
And of course the memorable time last year in april...when I was on the way to school... just walking, and then I fell down and the scar is still as large as life on my knee... =.= wei, 3 more months and it will be a year already!!! it's still so big and noticable!!! And... time really flies... O_O|||
And... 5th January 2008... somehow it seems very far away, but the details are still clear in my head......
And the first day I entered secondary school, Gail told me that there was a very smelly toilet in Block C...==...and the days before that, when Dawn said that I looked very cute in the uniform...
And the time (form 1) when my bag was confiscated by our form teacher coz people kept making me scream... =.=
I remember the horrible piano and theory exams... how I thought I would NEVER pass my Grade 8 theory exam and in the end ngam ngam passed without a single mark to spare O_O... and the most mafan Performer's Certificate exam, that required us to make a "programme" for the examiner... and needed us to time ourselves (dunno how many minutes for each song)... and look up all the information on each song... and how I struggled with Expression, and in the end slightly succeeded but now it's all gone again=.=... and how the examiner said Good Afternoon to me mummy and dawn when he met us outside the exam room... and how I thought I was very beautiful on that day =.=...and how the other candidate was so mature and dressed in leather... and how I cried when I found out I passed with merit... T_T
I remember PMR... how I had a horrible cold during the exams... how I sneezed in the exam hall...
I remember the "Dark Days" as I call them in my head... =.=|| 2009....
I remember the most touching day in school... 2009 End of Year Physics exam....
I remember last year... but I won't talk about it anymore...
I remember attending the Education Fair in Malacca...
I remember how I didn't want to go to Inti, I wanted to go to Nilai UC instead... :(
I remember Orientation... I remember my first friend in Inti... I remember my first dinner in Inti...
I remember the shoe game... my partner... how he seemed so tired after that and how embarrassed I was bcoz of that... and the husband-and-wife game... I didn't even look at my "husband"'s face so I'm sad to say that I dunno who he was to this day==...I just knew that he was wearing a light grey shirt and was quite big in size...
I remember how I was late for my first class, coz my watch+alarm clock+hp's time were all 10 minutes later than anyone else's...
I remember my first (and now best) friend in class, how I disliked her at first just because she looked a lot like someone else.......
I remember the awkward (first) days... how we didn't have anything to say...
I remember how I overslept on the first Sunday and therefore didn't go to church...and I was crying when I called Daddy...
I remember losing my appetite and weight during the first week, but putting it all back on since....

I remember so much...
When I was still a child, I really seriously thought that I would Never grow up...
But here I am, 18... ok fine 17 and 2 months....... Grown Up...

Sometimes I wish that I could go back in time, back to the time when I was still a toddler, with long hair... spoilt... stamping my foot every time... pointing my finger and screaming at people... being said quiet and good and cute by strangers........

But other times, I don't wish that. Coz I don't want to go through the growing process one more time... I don't want to feel the sadness and all the bad feelings once more...

I dunno what's the point of this blog post la... I just feel nostalgic, all of a sudden...

Titles...

2011-01-30T17:54:00.000-08:00

I was viewing my blog just now... and happened to glance through the friends' list on my blog (I Read Your Blog =))... and somehow I feel that their blog titles are just so amusing when put together like this... Some contrast so much!!! And yet the whole thing is like a little story... haha

变

2011-01-30T07:39:00.000-08:00

我知道变的是我，从来都不是你们。

2011-01-28T21:09:00.000-08:00

只要有1234567890（举例而已）个人like这个page，她就会答应和我在一起！

每当在FB看到这种东西的时候~ 总会觉得，这样的条件、恋情~ 好肤浅~~~

My life is a fairytale

2011-01-28T06:31:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time...

...the process doesn't really matter, there will be both good fairies and witches...

...and they lived happily ever after.

2011-01-28T00:08:00.001-08:00

ok.....
So...I've found out the reason for my mood these days...
It was really my period!!!! >_<"!!!!!! And it was supposed to come on Next Thursday what's it doing now >_<"
Oh well... At least it'll be over on CNY...

2011-01-27T22:44:00.000-08:00

Going back today. Going back today. For Chinese New Year.

I guess I've made a lot of people disgusted with me for hating cny so much. =.= But...I really do! I hate mandarin oranges (coz I dun like spitting out seeds and I don't like sticky fingers yes you are right I have 洁癖), I don't like visiting people's homes, I don't like people visiting our homes, I feel sick every time I hear 恭喜发财, I hate red, I hate the silly noisy cny songs they have on radio and tv, I hate the sound of firecrackers, I hate hearing about people gambling their angpau money, I hate the noisiness and the crowdiness and the hotness of the entire event.

I've always disliked crowds. That's why you don't usually see me having lunch / dinner with a whole group of people. I just don't like it. I only 喜欢两个人。it's a song btw lol go and search it. I can accept three, but two is the optimum. Boy or girl, it's the same.

2 days ago I went crazy and added a whole lot of friends on FB. =.= Though I've met all of them before - classmates, churchmates, cf members... But really a lot lo! I seldom take the initiative to add people on FB, the number of friends I have is quite big only bcoz I accept every random stranger's friend request that I see, and have only ever deleted one friend in my life. Oh, and I got deleted by two friends. One, simply bcoz she thought her friends were too many and went and deleted those that she didn't know (but I same school with her de lo wei!!! ==), and the other...well I guess it's bcoz he went crazy for a while. == Why am I talking about FB friends har? I dunno what to say anymore. no mood. no mood. no mood...... kkdkdkkdkdkkdkkdkdkdkkdkdkkdkdkkdkdkkdkdkkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkkdkkdkdkkdkkdkdkkdkkdkdkkdkkdkdkkdkkdkdkkdkkdkdkkdkkdkdkdkdkdkdkkdkkdkdkkdkkdkdkkdkkdkdkkdkkdkdkkdkkdkdkkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkkdkkdkdkkdkkdkdkkdkkdkdkkdkkdkdkkdkkdkdkkdkkdkdkkdkkdkdkdkdkdkdkkdkkdkdkkdkkdkdkkdkkdkdkkdkkdkdkkdkkdkdkkdkdkdkdkdkdkkdkdkkddkdkdkkdkdkdkdkdkkdkdkdkkdkdkdkkdkdkdkkdkdkdkkdkdkkdkkdkdkdkdkdkdlkdkkdkdkdkkdkdkdkkdkdkdkkdkdkdkkdkdkdkkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkd

Um. The above sentence is there bcoz I was tapping two random keys on the keyboard to the beat of the song I was listening. =.=

bye

:( ???

2011-01-27T08:05:00.000-08:00

Wonder if I should risk eating chocolate to cheer myself up. But I'm so fat now that I really don't have the 本钱 to insert any more calories into my body. =( And now it's midnight, I should go to sleep instead. But I don't want to sleep. Maybe it's because I've already slept for more than 2 hours this evening. But I'm tired...but I really don't want to sleep...but I don't know why...but I also don't know why I keep saying "but" I feel so irritating lo seriously =.=

WADDIS WONG WIF MEI TOONAI??????????!!!!!!!!!!

:( ?

2011-01-27T07:13:00.000-08:00

我现在不开心，没有为什么。

农历新年快到了。现在我胖了，新年后应该会更胖吧？== 算了啦，以后再瘦回，有时间的。只要在拍身份证照片的时候够瘦、没有pimples，那就可以了。还有十个月多的时间，可以的啦。XD

不懂要讲什么了咧 ==

传说中的emo，会不会就是我今晚的心情。。。

childish

2011-01-27T06:53:00.001-08:00

I'm childish. I know I'm childish. I am so very childish.

What is wrong with me today???

2011-01-25T18:59:00.001-08:00

So emo!!! I keep feeling sad over nothing at all, and my heart is so heavy... and I feel so Down...

Usually I will be like this a few days before my period comes...

But my period is supposed to come on 3rd February lo (ya i know CNY)!!! So it's still quite a long way off!

Is it really because of that......little......thing????!!!!

I feel so useless lo. Not a kid anymore. So xiao qi for what?

I should have known from the start...

2011-01-25T18:10:00.000-08:00

People who look like that person... they're always like that...
Everybody likes them, except me...
And they like all the popular people, and never care about their old friends once they gain new and higher-class ones...
Yes... they're all like that...

Warning: This post may contain some disturbing elements. And all readers are strictly forbidden to gasp in horror.

2011-01-24T07:27:00.000-08:00

I've been complaining a lot about my pimples lately.
But I think nobody who views this blog, has actually seen me in person these few days.

So I am going to post up pics of my face, now.
*please refer to title before you proceed*

Oh and btw, bcoz I am not using a proper camera, the pics cannot really bring out the true gruesomeness of my face. So just imagine that my grey face is yellowish, and the pink spots are bright red. It's true, really.

Ok.
Ready?
Set?
GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On Thursday, I had this nice, normal-looking face.
Ok, comparatively.

See. Just one pimple on my left cheek. And it's only a scar summore.

Then on Friday night, the nightmare began.

Speckled face!!!!!!!!!!

My hp's cam dunno hv automatic skin beautifier or not. =.=|||| It is muchhhhhhhhhhhh more worse than this one ok!

Nah this one was taken yesterday. Dun ask me why I look so ugly har.

NAH. SEE OR NOT. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just remember!!! They are BRIGHT RED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lastly, one more pic. Fresh from the oven one, taken a minute ago. XD

Pimples still intact. But they're darker now.
And Confirm I fat back liao. =.= But somehow I think my arms (the lower part that I am forever complaining about) are slightly slimmer leh!!!! XD ^^ :D !!!!! As for my face... I think it's bcoz of my hair. My face somehow looks slimmer when I put it up in a ponytail (not referring to above pics). =.=|| But I lazy to tie my hair leh coz now I always ngam-ngam got time to spend about 15 minutes in the bathroom, dunno how many more minutes to blow-dry my hair, dunno how many minutes to have breakfast and the rest of the time to try and conceal my pimples with Burnol. =.=||| I dunno la. I spend almost all my time looking into the mirror and dabbing Burnol on my pimples!!!!!!!!!! I know that is very self-deceiving, besides wasting Burnol... But I really hope that the extra layers will help to dry them up faster lo!!!! >_<"

Last time I mentioned that I heard somebody say that my pimple was very big right? Well, today I saw that person again. TWO TIMES SUMMORE WHY SO UNFORTUNATE ONE. And he stared at me. And I really HATE his 眼神... always hated it from the beginning!!!!!!!! :@

Ok calm down.

So... my pimples. I was so happy when I found out that CNY was NOT on this week, as I had assumed all this while *ashamed*, but on NEXT WEEK, coz that would mean that my pimples would have sufficient time to get lost!!!! :D But, I think I'm going to be mistaken for the eldest again this year. T_T Coz although I know I'd thinned down last week, but... do you really expect a girl who eats bread and biscuits nonstop whenever she has nothing to do with her hands, to remain below 45kg? CANNOT RIGHT. HAIZ. But I can't help it. T_T I hope I'm not pregnant or something. And I guess Mummy was in the same situation as me last time...

liking

2011-01-23T08:03:00.000-08:00

dunno who this super-wuliao guy is... went and liked All my profile pics... =.= keep receiving notifications until so sien!!!
And I really dunno him de summore, so I'll just assume that he does that to every girl that he's just added... walao!!! so free hor?! my profile pics not many de, 23 only... what if he's added girls that have over a hundred profile pics? would he still like all the pics?

=.="

:D

2011-01-22T21:59:00.000-08:00

I'm so glad that I went to Nilai CMC's Tertiary Youth Fellowship yesterday!!!
I didn't want to go at first, but Dawn told me to...
And when I was waiting at the bus stop for the first time, I was really scared and almost trembling, and I wanted soooooo much to just turn and go back to the hostel. I was so nervous!! I knew nobody there, and they all knew one another.
And I was sooooooo self-conscious coz my pimples were at their worst state...big and red and on all the most noticeable parts of my face, and the skin round them was red too... so I looked really ugly and weird. In fact I still do. =.=
When the gospel van came, it was worse... as it was already so packed and I seemed so extra... and another guy got down from the van and I felt as if it was all my fault...

But then, a really nice (and pretty) girl from the back asked me my name and asked if it was my first time...
Then when we reached the church, she took care of me, introduced a lot of people to me, told me a lot of things...was so friendly! Then when she had to go away to do other things, she passed me over to another girl, who was equally nice, plus very funny.
Then we went upstairs to have games. And I knew the other people's names from the game, which was the one that you call a person's name, and the 2 people beside the person stands up and says something, and then the called person calls another person, etc. And we all introduced ourselves at the beginning of the game too.

Then we had praise and worship. I really liked their praise and worship (today's one as well), even though sometimes the song leader / backup singers would go off tune, but... I dunno how to say it, every thing seemed so Real somehow. :O

After that, we had BBQ. And I really really liked + admired how all of them were so kind and friendly toward strangers (me). Plus I was at my paiseh-est and quietest at that time, coz of my pimples... =.=

So, all in all, I was totally ME last night (typical shy and paiseh and unwilling-to-talk me)... but they didn't seem to mind it...

And today, there was one song that I really liked.

And btw, the conclusion is I'm glad I went, if I didn't, I wouldn't have gotten to know so many people at the church. :D

I know I'm a coward, okay?

2011-01-21T18:10:00.000-08:00

Whenever my blog posts are very obviously directed to someone, that's just bcoz I know that the person never reads my blog.
Whenever I scold someone very directly in my Facebook status, I actually customize the status settings so that everybody can view it except for the person zzz.
Whenever I see some lecturer coming from the opposite direction, I Still slip behind my friends. =.=
Whenever a small insect comes into my room, I can still spend a whole morning trying to get it out without touching it.
Whenever I go out from my room to fill my cup of Milo powder with hot water, I check first to see if anyone else is around. =.=|| coz I very paiseh ma, I never see anyone else going around with a cup. A Hello Kitty cup summore.
Whenever I view somebody-that-I'm-supposed-to-be-forgetting 's page, I always delete the history of that page from the computer after that.
Whenever I see a certain person walk past, I stare in the opposite direction very earnestly.
Whenever someone makes some sudden noise, I jump like I'm being electrocuted. ok maybe that's not really cowardice.

I'm not finished yet, actually.
But I'm too worried about the state of my face to continue. It's covered in numerous pimples that are redder than my lips. =(

=.=

2011-01-21T17:30:00.000-08:00

Did you know that you always sound a lot like you're Flirting with me?
If you don't like me (like = ♥), if you still cry when you see the girl that you once loved getting into a relationship... then please KEEP YOUR DISTANCE FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =.=|||

And even if you really so drama, fall in love with me alrd still dunno (=.=!! only IF la), then you also stay away from me.
B4 this, I liked this closeness....
Now, I detest it.
After all, we are only 网友s...

eating

2011-01-21T03:05:00.000-08:00

Actually hor I wanted to go on a diet (for cny!!!) de, but I just dun hv that 意志力 la. In fact, besides proper meals, I keep stuffing myself with biscuits + bread + milo. Why? Coz I am Bored. =O

It's not just that la. I feel very empty when I'm not eating, so I eat lo... =.=

Hi, 50 kg... I'm on the way!!!!!!!! I was extremely :O!!!! when my friend said that she was 50++kg and used to be 60++!!!!!!!! She looks slimmer than me lo!!! Though she is around 160 like that, a few cm taller than me la. But still..............

Yesterday Dawn said that I'm much skinnier...... But how come she said like that de?! My arms are still like that lo!!!! my watch never become looser also. and the size of my legs are still twice hers. =.= And I'm pretty sure that after the amount of biscuits that I've consumed, I am no longer 44.5 kg. T_T Which makes me around 45.5kg, which is pretty much the same as before I came here. =.=|| So, I guess she said that just bcoz she's never seen me in shorts b4, coz I wear knee-length ones at home that of course make me look fatter and stumpier.

Lalala. My feet's skin is really healing, but I think they've passed the sickness on to my face or something. =.= So many pimples and red spots...

Ok anyway. From now on. STOP EATING WHEN I'M NOT HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!!

Self reminder: Whenever you feel bored, go out for a walk, get lost or whatever. Just don't eat.

lalala

2011-01-20T05:33:00.000-08:00

I want to confess something~~~ Just in case you haven't noticed, I've got into the habit of deleting facebook statuses that nobody has liked / commented on. What a loser right XD

Just now Daddy and Dawn came to visit me. We went out for pizza (I 1st time go to Domino's ^^) , then went to Giant, which is really very Giant compared to Tampin's one!!! Why is Tampin's so lousy ar? :O Dun hv enough space to build a bigger one or what?! =.=|| Then we went back and Dawn helped me decorate the notice board in my room... it's really pretty now!!! Like underwater world lol...

Btw, am I really skinnier??? I really dun think so lo... =.=|| can't see the difference, maybe it was too gradual for me to realize, as I see myself all day long...

And... IDDIS HAPPENING AGAIN... =.=|| I can't tell you what I'm talking about but some people may guess it anyway...

And it's awful, the way things are repeating themselves...

And media really takes away part of our real life... If you know what I mean, but I think you don't....

What else to talk about har? erm... erm... OH!!! I still like bread!!! I got the nickname 面包王 last time...
But... how can people NOT like bread????!!!!!?????????!!!!!!!! I get all excited and hungry everytime I smell bread / buns!!!!!!!!!!! So I was trying to hold my breath when we were in the bread-section today... I LIKE THE SMELL OF BREAD SO MUCH!!!! It attracts me in a way that no other food can!!! BREAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I realized that I've got quite a lot of pink stuff in my room... =.=

Actually, the way that I started to like the colour (hot) pink started in a stupid way. That is, I got a new pink-and-black school bag last time in Form 3. And I ngam-ngam got a pink pencil case of exactly the same shade on my 14th birthday. So I started hunting out all my pink stationary to match it lo.

That's right. Just because I like matching stuff.

Actually I don't even know if I really like the colour or not de. =.=|| But every time I want to buy something, I remember Dawn's famous advice : When in doubt, choose pink.

=.=|||

So, now it's more like a habit, rather than a preference. But if anyone asks me what my favourite colour is, I always reply "pink", dunno it's because I want to sound like I'm cute or what.. =.=

Normal Now ^^

2011-01-17T04:24:00.000-08:00

After a lot of FB messaging and chatting and commenting-on-statuses~ and my bright smile (-_-||) every time I see her, we have finally warmed up and are like normal friends!!! :D Even though we don't really talk a lot, but we talk enough! ^^ And we are happy to see each other too, I can see it from her expression!!! ^^v yayy!!! Anyway I'm not much of a talker too, so it's very okay if we just diam a bit sometimes! :D yeshh I am happy!!! Even if we probably never will have heart-to-heart talks (she doesn't seem to need it and I am just so paiseh even to say "eii that guy very handsome hor!"), but we are still Normal Friends!!!! ^^v

Btw, I am never going to let her know that I have a blog lol if not I will be paiseh until 1 year no face to see her (#>_<#)~~~

somebodyplshelpmethinkofatitle

2011-01-16T20:45:00.000-08:00

There are quite a lot of similarities between secondary and uni life after all!!!
I realized that only just now.

First of all, I still had the fun of flopping down on the desk and going straight to sleep when the lecturer announced that it was time for break. I had a dream summore lo, about me driving a car and collecting all the coins on the road zzzzzzz like playing what game =.=||

Then, I still got to see the man of my dreams passing by our classroom window!!! XD Ok la, not the man of my dreams la. Maybe not a man yet. Maybe not man of my dreams in That sense. Or maybe it is. Or maybe it isn't. :P hahaha ... And it wasn't strictly a classroom either, hahaha! (*38 mood, pls 体谅)

Next, seeing the white-shirt-prince in the cafeteria lol ^^ He's wearing the white polo again!!! He doesn't look so much like a counselor, then... much younger! :D But, I guess he Is quite old, to be able to become a counselor. :( But I don't really care la haha.

Still being unable to answer questions zzzz paiseh.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Btw, our business lecturer's Chinese is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!
She's an Indian, but she knows SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many Chinese words!!! Every time the China people don't understand something, she translates it in Chinese!!! Of coz not a full sentence la, but!!!! And she pronounces it so perfectly!!!! And she says she has this talent of being able to translate things if other people don't understand, but only in an emergency lol .. and she can even speak in Japanese lo she said!!! But our class dun hv Japaneses la. Our class only has Malaysian Indians, Malaysian Chinese, pure Chinese (from China), and a pretty girl who's actually from China but looks very much like a Malay lol.

And erm YESH I like the life here very very very much compared to secondary school life. Maybe that's just bcoz we haven't started having assignments and exams yet... but... I'm not talking about that.
Fine, I know I enjoyed my Form 1 life too. =.=|| And I don't remember much about Standard 1 coz it just passed in a year of blurriness.

Just now we had our computer lesson (practical), and my mouse was half empty zzzz!!!! means I had to use TWO hands to scroll the mouse around the screen. =.= And very difficult summore lo. And CANNOT CLICK!!! =.=|| In the end I gave up. Gonna do my "homework" that I didn't get to do just now, now. =)

p/s: Btw, there are still some things that I haven't got used to as well, like seeing a guy at one of the water dispensers at the opposite block dressed only in underwear -_-" Luckily it was quite far away, I just very unfortunately happened to glance over there.

不舒服！不开心！

2011-01-15T05:44:00.000-08:00

今天一整天都很不舒服~
没有胃口~ 超级的那种~
身体又热热的，手脚又冰冷~
可是又没有发烧哦，才37罢了~
然后又肚子痛~
今天泻了两次，可是我都没有乱乱吃东西啊~ 是回到家两天后才这样的~
然后最顶不顺的是，一整天都很累很累，不得不睡~ 可是~ 一睡下去就会发恶梦！不是恐怖的那种~ 是弄到我心情很不开心很烦躁的那种~ 怪怪的~ 醒了后还以为是真的那种~~~
不喜欢啊！明天又要回去了~ 要坐一个小时多的车~ 回到去又不可以直接睡~
明天六点多又要起床了~

recently

2011-01-13T22:55:00.000-08:00

Hey I just realized that my feet's skin is much better alrd!!! :D dunno why! is it bcoz of the lack of dust or what? XD
Btw it's really very cold over here, last night I didn't switch on the fan (1st time in many months! or years? XD) and it was still cold! I needed Johnny!!! O_o
And this morning I had a lot of scary dreams, that I was relieved to wake up from when my alarm rang at 7.30. Actually by the time I looked at the clock it was already 7.45 and my alarm was still ringing... dunno why... And the dreams I can't remember a single one of them, but they were really scary. :(
And Bobby smells dusty. :S But I dun care I still prefer him to the silly soft fellow over in Inti. That one I dun even dare to sit on him lo, scared he will break in the middle. But Bobby is already broken lol, and I broke him on purpose de coz last time he was so Hard. XD
And I like our bathroom (1st time know how to appreciate it==)! The one over at hostel has those yellowish lights that makes every red spot on me (I have a lot lo) stand out like dunno what. =.= I mean, in the mirror. The mirror at home here just makes me look pale and I don't mind that. =) And the toilet can be flushed!!! :D There hor the flushes are not working I have to use the hose every time. :( But they do clean the toilets daily. =)

And I want to say, I really can't believe I settled down over there so quickly. Coz I've only stayed away from home two times before (minus Allson Klana and PD trips with family years ago). And the first time was for 2 nights, second time only 1 night. And both times I slept with another girl. Now, I'm staying alone... with nobody I know... And... I Actually Like It? :S

The only thing I'm not satisfied about is my blanket lar... =.= It looks so nice and green and new, and is warm and has no holes in it... But every morning when I comb my hair, green stuff will be stuck in the teeth of my comb. =.=|| And once I lay down in bed with a black shirt on and...well, disastrous lo. I tried Dawn's idea of using cellophane tape to get the green things away, but still not very successful.

And I realized that my hair falls a lot even though I don't pluck at it anymore. :( They gave us a Sunsilk Hair Fall Control shampoo on the first day lols but I haven't used it yet. So, hair+green stuff on the floor... I've got into the habit of sweeping the floor daily with a duster+dustpan now... And the green things get stuck in the bristles of the brush so I have to pull them off. :(

The day before yesterday, I went to the toilet, and then went back to my room, planning to get my things for bathing. But before I reached my door, there was a man's voice from upstairs. (if you look out from the balcony you can see people from all the floors, coz there's a big hole in the middle) And then 2 men were standing there, and they told all the girls standing outside in the 走廊 that they were from Jabatan Kebersihan, so please beri kerjasama and get out from our rooms in 10 minutes' time and also inform our friends. And I thought they were going to check our rooms to see dirty or not =.= So I hurriedly swept up the green things + hair on the floor, took my things, left the door unlocked, and went to the bathroom lo.

And then all of the sudden, there was a very loud noise like a very very Loud vacuum cleaner, and it was coming closer and closer. I ignored it and started to bathe. Then there was a smell... dunno what smell... and the noise got louder and louder until I thought it was in the bathroom itself... And echoes in the bathroom... It was so deafening and scary!!! I scared until nearly cry lo. :( And then I realized that the people were actually fogging the place or something. And I thought, die lo, now I'm in the bathroom can't get out coz still bathing... will they scold me? Will I be smothered to death (naked!!!) ? T_T

Then the noise got further away, and quieter... and I was so relieved. But then it came again, echoed round the bathroom again, I thought it was right outside the door. And this happened for about 4 or 5 times! But when I was finally finished, I opened the door, went out of the bathroom... and nobody was around even though the noise was so loud! :S hmm.. So the conclusion is I think I've been very stupid lo. =.=||

And there's supposed to be a fire alarm practice coming too... If we're bathing we have to just wrap our towel round us and rush out from the bathroom!!! I DON'T WANT!!! Make me scared to bathe liao now. :( Luckily my period is over for this month. In fact, it came on the very first day that I went there zzz. =.= Made me have a gigantic pimple that got redder and redder, and other companions besides. :( But now the pimple is residing and is not red anymore. =) And yes I squeezed it coz it was really very big, but it got redder than ever. *ashamed face

Btw DUNNO I HEAR WRONG OR NOT HOR I think I heard Somebody say to Somebody Else that my pimple was very big! :@ I HOPE I heard wrong, but I THINK I didn't... and I'm going to bu shuang that person forever. :@!!! I know your complexion very good la!!!! I know my pimple very big and red la!!! :@! I very bu shuang you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okok... calm down... =)

Anyway it's really cold. :S

And I don't clean my plate over there. I mean, not wash up (though I don't do that too), but finish my meal. And I don't even get conscience-stricken now zzzz. And now the chicken rice in front of me has half its rice left, and I'm not planning on finishing it. I always did before, no matter how full I was...

Erm... and last night I studied in bed with the laptop on my legs (lecture notes inside), and it was so fun and such a new experience!!! :D Though I can't say I remember much about what I learnt now. =.=

Oh...and just now I played the piano! I had the mood. :D lalala.

Today is Friday... I wish it was Saturday though, dunno why.

Last night receieved sms-es from a person... And the sms-es Still made me go =.=|||||||||||||||||||||||||... lame!! Lame!!! You are lame!!!!!!!!!!! childish also... =.=

And I realized that I still like to walk fast when I'm walking alone... =)

And last night, I viewed the long-abandoned essay blog... And I was so disgusted with my essays zzz. The English ones were soooo trying-to-sound-impressive styled!!!!!!!! And the chinese ones... erm, actually I don't mind them as much la. But the English ones I really beh tahan man!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =.=!!!!

Talking about English... I was quite shocked when we had our first English lesson! Oh and btw daddy found out that he knew the lecturer, in the 1980s. =.= Back to the lesson... I thought people who went to INTI would have really good English (they sounded like that!!! all talking in English like it's their first language), but their grammar is really poor... :S I'm not trying to be 串 or whatever... I'm really genuinely shocked lols.

And btw, happy to find that more than half of my classmates seem to be as unbusiness-like as me! :D

p/s: The blog posts that I did over there are very un-me... I guess I blog best at home haha

overslept!

2011-01-11T17:48:00.000-08:00

Today I very very nearly didn't go to class!!!!!!!!!!!!
Overslept!!!
It's like this de, every time 25 minutes b4 class, me Jing Yi and Siou Chin will meet down our blocks and then baru go together, and I'm almost always the latest one... =.=||||

So, this morning, I was irritated by my hp, why keep buzzing de??? Why this alarm never ring, just buzz de??? Then... I opened my eyes to find....it was 7.45!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And my class is at 8.00am!!! And a certain distance de lo. And my hp was buzzing coz one of them was calling me. T.T And there were so many missed calls and 2 sms-es. T.T

Anyway, I was very shocked lo. Even more shocked to find that there were SOOOOOOOO many latecomers on the way to class as well. =.=|| That time almost 8.00am already. They were all walking at a moderately fast speed, but got one crazy girl keep 割车 left and right. That's me btw. And I reached class at 8 or maybe a minute later. And I said sorry teacher 2 times but the lecturer didn't respond. T.T I wasn't the latest also ma!!! After that she told us that she hates latecomers, and is very strict about attendance.

Conclusion is, I'm very nei4 jiu4 about being late and making my friends wait... And I dunno why I didn't hear all 3 alarms that I set. =(

sleepy

2011-01-11T06:12:00.000-08:00

Only the second day of getting up early, and I already beh tahan??? =.=!
Just now napped for an hour, specially set my hp's alarm to wake up to check my hp for sms... =.=|||
In the end not long after I woke up, really gt sms wor... but I was (and still am!!!) too drowsy to reply my originally intended answer...
SLEEPY LO!!! Eyes blur blur one... :(
Not only me! This morning everyone in the class was so sleepy as well...
And I am really sleepy now, good nightttttttttttt

The Problem with Classrooms

2011-01-10T00:44:00.001-08:00

Kindergarten
No problem!

Primary School
The cane is always on the table T.T

Secondary School
Too hot

University
Too Cold

2011-01-10T00:26:00.000-08:00

wow...so many China people in our class!!! And the way they speak English is seriously...cute!!! So cute!!! "I'm from Chinah"...

Just now our English Language Skills lecturer asked us to introduce ourselves and where we came from (3rd time 2day!!) and our previous schools. And then rupa-rupanya he was from TBS!!! in 1966!== He's a retired teacher from a Gemas school... And then he asked me which part of Tampin I was from, and I said Taman Woon, and he asked me which house number =.=|| It turned out that his brother was living in Taman Woon too!!!

Anyway, I just found out today that my watch+alarm clock+hp's time, were all 10 minutes late!!! no wonder la... =.=||

Then about the 2 new friends... =.= They're friendly enough when you talk to them, but they don't seem to talk to each other much, esp the one who's like me... =.= And they don't walk together too!!! They walk in "vertical" position...make me also dunno want to walk with who... =.=

But they're nice... =)

fwenz

2011-01-09T21:00:00.000-08:00

I hv 2 new friends 2day! :D My classmates! (or is it coursemates?? dunno)
One, the first one, is (sadly) a bit like me. =.=|| Got a bit diam 1...
The second one is very pretty and nice and looks quite familiar, I think I've seen her somewhere else before, but not during orientation...

yay!!! finally I have girl friends liao... ^^ b4 that juz one guy friend only... :(

Btw, just now's lesson, Basic Computing, was so basic until really very basic. What am I talking about har? =.=

Dunno la. I nap 1st, later 2pm still gt class! =)

This blog post is here bcoz I am bored

2011-01-09T04:48:00.000-08:00

Zzz.......I listened to Numa Numa from morning until now... =.=|||
I like the beat, I like the maiyiya part XD

2moro classes start!!!
Self remembrance: First class is to the left of the wall! Second class is beside the stairs!!! REMEMBER REMEMBER REMEMBER HAR...

Oh, btw, this is my pic on the ID card.
Be prepared, it is really freaking ugly, and has an ugly yellowish tint. ==

It's blur, and is much better than the original one already... T.T
And, I dun think this is just for one year lo... T.T

real

2011-01-08T19:37:00.000-08:00

Every time, it seems realer than the one before.
Maybe there are more "ones" ahead.
I'll wait till the realest one appears.

skin

2011-01-08T06:21:00.000-08:00

Actually, there are many many things going on in my head and heart and life these few days.
But I dunno how to tell any of them without making people misunderstand or whatever!
I feel stupid, really really stupid. Why am I always so naive? =.=
Actually, nothing has happened. I'm just trying to warn myself that there's a flashing red light ahead...and I dunno what I'm typing also. =.=

Btw the pimple has gone down a bit, much better than 2 days ago!

2moro going to a strange church by myself. Am I scared? To tell the truth...YES!!! :(

As far as I can see, I have not thinned down lo. Maybe my tummy is a bit flatter la. And maybe my upper arms have decreased a bit in size, or maybe not, I can't be sure. As for my face, I think dun hv lo. But I like the small mirror that Gail gave me, since I can hold it at a high angle and then I'll look slimmer zzz. =.=

My face's skin is really not good lo. It's been like that ever since I've been studying till late at night. SPM THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The zi4 bei1 status on my facebook wall. It's bcoz of orientation yesterday.
We've been having watery station games, and some required us to take off our slippers (our group of 7 people were standing on 6 chairs, and we're all supposed to move over and the last person is going to pass the last chair to the front, and keep moving like that until we get close enough to shoot the basketball. And of course everybody took off their shoes.) , and I really cannot tell you how self-conscious I felt! I could feel them glancing at my feet and quickly looking away, the way that I glance at handicapped people and then look away and pretend that they're very normal. Then another game, we were supposed to dip our feet into a pail of disgusting-looking grey water and fish out the things that the gamemaster told us to fish out. Then everybody had their turn, and I had to confess that I had a skin problem and show it. Actually I know it probably won't affect my feet in any way la, but I didn't want everybody to pay more attention to my feet. :(

I keep telling myself that it's good that people know. At least they won't be shocked if they've known me (with shoes) for like 10 years, and one day they finally see me with bare feet...

It's good, right? It's good. To let them know, I mean. The sooner the better. At least they didn't seem to mind at all.

I should be more worried about my pimple, is that so?

erm dun ask me y my smile is so fake. again. it juz happens when i show my teeth, ok?

my pimple should transfer some of its redness to my lips

The nice people who gave comments on my status, they've never seen (or paid attention to) my bare feet before, that's why they didn't understand. I tell you, my feet are horrible. My legs... I used to care a lot about my "scales", but I don't now...at least not so much. And under my shirt...it's quite horrible too.

sigh...

1st post at INTI

2011-01-07T09:20:00.000-08:00

I seriously dun have mood to blog now, so I'll tell about what happened some other time, or maybe not at all. =)
For now, I'll just post up a pic of myself.

Me + eye bags + gigantic red pimple + fake smile.

I know, ok? I know.

*content removed by mlmx*

2011-01-04T01:54:00.001-08:00

i chgd d design agn!!!

Just finished deleting...

2011-01-02T07:01:00.001-08:00

...all the ***commented on your/his status/link/photo/photo album. =.=|||
And I realized that I'd started collecting those since last year's April.
=.=!!!
I deleted them coz I felt that continuing to collect them would be quite pointless, since I am already lazy to even reply a simple sms of his.

2011-01-02T03:34:00.001-08:00

Hi. I just changed my blogskin coz after all it's a new year ma.
Is my blog too pink now? :O

blogggg

2011-01-02T03:00:00.000-08:00

I can't resist blogging now that I'm alone (which doesn't happen often nowadays).
I'm going to blog about the games that I'm playing lately. =.=
I hadn't played computer games for a long long time ady...until Gail came back for the hols and started playing them and influenced me. =.=|||
And now I spend most of my time either playing games or sleeping. -_-|| I've even given up the radio!!!

So basically the games that I play are:
Hoyle Board Games
~Reversi (I usually set the mode to Easy so that I can have the satisfication of winning=.=)
~Pachisi
~Hangman (when I am extra bored)

Gamehouse Games Collection
~Nickelodeon Jigsaw (what!!! ppl bored ma!!!)
~Granny in Paradise (my favourite game once upon a time...I finished all the levels once with the help of Gail^^ It's about collecting all the kittens and growing flowers and planting the Bonus Flower and getting out of the Exit Flower. It gets more and more difficult lo! There are more and more Tiki Mans who try to kill u, and when u move higher and higher, u'll find out that actually Tiki Mans are quite harmless coz after that u'll have Dr Miaows and Gorillas. T.T And lava.)
~Insaniquarium Deluxe (I finished that once too!!! Basically it's just feeding fish and collecting coins and spending coins on more fish or what they eat and shooting aliens who try to eat all ur fish. And trying not to let any fish starve to death coz they make the horriblest sound imaginable that sends me into a frenzy when they die. And the main point of each level is to earn enough money to buy all three parts of ur egg and to crack it open to get to the useful pet inside to move on to the next level)
~Magic Ball (pinball with a wonderful environment)

Oh. So that's about it. I had no idea there were so few T.T sorry for the boringness!!!

So I'll just blog about random things!!!
A minute ago, I just realized that my msn name was Mable Lee how can this be!!!! I want back the old msn!!!
Then, I changed the About Me section on my blog^^
And I wanna say, actually I follow many ppl's blogs de juz that I put anonymous only so dun b angry la har if u dun c my name on ur list of followers!!! (that is, if u still hvn grown out of checking ur list of followers =.= I grew out of the longgggg ago *smug face)

I also wanna confess that recently I am REALLY lazy to reply sms-es alrd!!!!!!!
Every time an sms comes I will think HAIZZZZZZZ WHO IS THIS AGAIN and it turns out to be the same person again and again and Again!!!!!!!!
Once upon a time I used to smile every time I read the person's sms-es coz I was crushing on that person =.=
But even at that time I also play 吊价 and never replied him after he said that he thought it was time to sleep or he wanted to go out to eat or something. I didn't want to b the last person lo bcoz.
Now hor. I shuang3 jiu4 reply him. Not shuang3 jiu4 never reply him. I just stop in the middle of sms-es coz I want to play games. =.=|||
And when he sms-ed me merry christmas n happy new year in the middle of the night, I pretended to be asleep. =.=||
I feel so mean lo seriously.
Not that his sms content is getting boringer or anything like that.
I dunno what's happening to me. Sometimes I really feel quite bad about it de. But I am just so lazy to reply -_-|||

Talking about sms. I really NEVER reply somebody's sms now. IRRITATING!!!! HIS STYLE OF TYPING SO IRRITATING!!!! HIS CONTENT SO IRRITATING!!!! AND HE HAD THE AUDACITY (fine I dunno the meaning of this word but pls allow me to sound impressive!!) TO SEND ME A WRONG MESSAGE ON NEW YEAR MORNING!!!! That is, midnight yesterday la. Something about another girl called 依玲...told me to 好好珍惜她 or something like that. =.=||| And he never realized that he sent the wrong message coz I didn't reply him and he didn't say sorry or anything like that. Either he never realized or he's just plain rude la. WEI!!! MIDNIGHT!!! U SEND A STUPID MESSAGE LIKE THAT FOR WHAT!!! Ppl alrd dislike u like this liao!!! U still want to irritate me further!!!!! (*ignores shocked and hurt look on his face if he happens to view this even though he 98% won't)

Btw I super hate the chinese thing on this computer la, all I can see are squares...I have to press the number and have the word come out b4 I can see the character itself. =.= So I resolved to typing online.

Erm...what else to blog about har...what else what else......

Oh...today b4 church I went to have a few more holes punched in my new watch...and to my delight it was for free!!! Ok la actually I didn't feel delighted, just mildly surprised. =.=
Btw. My old watch hor...the pink one in one of the previous posts...is broken. T.T The part that's broken is the stick-like thing that you use to push into the holes on the strap. Broken!!!! I picked the watch up and it just fell off. T.T WEI!! But actually I'm kinda relieved la coz the watch really doesn't suit my skin colour very much anyway, and the sides (hard to explain) are sooooooo LOOSE...thx to Someone =.= tqvm har!!! but u did that friendlyly so I won't blame u la.

K now not alone anymore. bye

What I Don't Like on Facebook

2011-01-02T02:15:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I very beh tahan people who type...
~带 instead of 戴
~loose instead of lose (or vice-versa!!!)
~from 5 instead of form 5
~Opps instead of Ooops

~♥ at the end of every sentence
~space, period instead of just plain period
~lenq lui instead of leng lui
~cantonese (either pinyin or in characters) wrongly or very 走音ly. c'mon, even a cantonese-hater like me is better than u! stop acting cute, ditch cantonese and go back to mandarin la pls.

I also very beh tahan photos with...
~girls kissing each other (on the mouth) in front of the cam
~guys who pucker up their lips at the cam (I dun mind it so much if it were girls, bt guys who do that r juz plain disgusting==)

And also...
~people who misuse apostrophes

And conversations that go like this...
"U so leng lui ."
"No larr, u more leng.^^"
"I'm ugly larr, u more leng. :D"
"Nonono...."
*infinity-ing*

And super pretty girls who post super pretty pics of themselves and Know they are pretty and put the pics as their profile pics and then caption the pics as "ugly :(".

Also, people who can't post jokes without including a hamsup element in it.

And videos labeled as "FUNNY!!!!!!", which actually involves a lot of extremely painful accidents. AND THE PEOPLE WHO LAUGH IN THE COMMENTS!!! T.T!!!!

*the end*

I know I just went and offended a whole lot of people!!! Sorry but this is my blog which contains My opinions and we all have freedom of speech blehhhhhhhhhhh :P

Sorry la sorry la sorry la to all the people categorized above...SORRY!!!!!! But I'm still posting this up. ^^

:D

2010-12-31T22:55:00.000-08:00

3rd wedding I've seen...
I can't remember the first 2 ones...at least all I remembered of the 2nd one was it was extremely boring... ==
But this one!!! It was so sweet!!!! So Sweet!!!!!! So happy!!!!

2010

2010-12-30T02:12:00.000-08:00

2010 is coming to an end, so I'm going to do the boring blog post that ~~99.99%~~ most people in the world are doing...Things I Did In 2010.

p/s: not arranged in order

1. Sat for the biggest exam in my life so far
2. Finally met my one of my neighbour's children
3. Fell down on the road (the scar is still there, though not heart-shaped anymore)
4. Tumpang-ed two strangers' cars
5. Passed my birthday without celebrating it
6. Had an exam on my birthday and the day after that T.T
7. Received presents from my friends on the day of my birthday (first time! coz my birthday isn't a school day)
8. Paid back RM60++ to somebody, though not in the form of cash
9. Had a Wednesday's birthday, if not mistaken it's the 4th in my life
10. Spent a lot of time alone, yet didn't get used to it
11. Confessed my love to somebody I'd never met before (#=.=#)
12. Found out who my true friends were (this sounds so facebook-note-ish)
13. Fell down outside my classroom, causing a mini earthquake (the mark is still there!)
14. Found out something...was very happy at that time...but after that regretted for finding out at all
15. Did a lot of personality assessment tests, none of whom worked out
16. Got my 报应 for 装傻ing...that is super embarassment
17. Had pimples on my neck
18. Had big red oozing pimples all over my face
19. Thought I found my future partner
20. Had a new phone!!! ^^
21. Started listening to the radio
22. Considered studying Advertising or Psychology
23. Found out I was someone special after all
24. Got addicted to coffee (but I haven't had a drop since I finished my exams ^^)
25. Wrote the longest BM essay in my life
26. Furry Bear, DouFu (who is BunBun and BooBoo's son now), and erm...Big Pink Furry Hearty-Pawed Bear...were added to my bed
27. Got 2 notebooks for Christmas. (ok fine one is a diary)
28. Wrote a single entry in my diary (so saddddddd =.=)
29. Started using a camera
30. Gave up on the camera once I got my phone, coz I buy the camera batteries myself and they are so freaking expensive...plus the camera always sotsot one...
31. Thought I could _______.... (secret! :P)
32. Attended a cervical cancer talk
33. Got 3 环保袋s
34. Peaked at 48.2 kg, or maybe more coz I didn't dare to put myself on the scales for more than half a year =.= this is, I think...dunno lastlast week or b4 that de
33. Went down to 46.0 kg, yesterday after lunch :D
34. Got an E for my Bio ==
35. Became very patriotic =.=||
36. Met a lot of relatives on facebook
37. Wished that I hadn't added one of them =.=|| coz the relative is actually very very nice in real life...but online.......erm........
38. Ran away from rabbits
39. Accidentally let a teacher see me chasing after a big black cat...
40. Had 4 pairs of new shoes in one year
41. Three watches spoilt in one year
42. Got caned for being late (*sobsob)
43. Hated sometwo very much, who talked about me behind my back
44. Visited the first university I've ever been to...INTI
45. Enrolled at said university =.=
46. Visited UPM...and had a very very bad impression of it. =.= All it has is a very beautiful lake...other than that, NOTHING
47. Had a lot of nightmares =.=
48. Got my first personal second place in state level
49. Got addicted to Hoyle Board Games =.=
50. Just now b4 lunch I weighed myself again 45.2 kg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!! !!! !!!!!!!
51. Started using the hairdryer.
52. Fell in like with Fish Leong after many many years of hating her
53. Abandoned my Neopets' pets for an entire year
54. Got obsessed with gaining arm muscle for a few weeks =.= dumbbells and all~~
55. Wore a mask for the first time...so stuffy!...wait, was that last year? no I think it's this year...
56. Stuffed the stuffing back into Anna Doll and Furry Bear coz it came out in the washing machine :(
57. Sewed Minnie Bear's button back
58. Dreamt about dragonflies and millipedes
59. Got used to mice running about the house
60. Found out that lice had invaded my big table :(
61. Turned two beds into bookshelves
62. Slept on the dustiest bed in my life...coz I was lazy to change the bedsheets at that time, got exam
63. Discovered a lot of new reference and exercise books some weeks before SPM =.=
64. Blushed for the first time I can remember
65. Introduced the "moon" theory to somebody...and regretted it, coz the somebody was very much impressed by it and kept reminding me about it until now I find it quite disgusting liao =.=|| I Saw the status but I'm not going to say so :P
66. Liked Ella, ever since I watched her drama with Jerry Yan...I like both of them!!!
67. Had 2 new speakers in a year...:S But I actually prefer earphones and a phone...
68. Visited Nilai University College...and INTI for the second time...
69. Recognizing 2 leng zais at INTI that I'd met b4 during the STAR programme, but failed to recognize Mr Nazri, the first person I met there both times. == Even after I heard his name (2nd time), I didn't remember him...I just realized it when I found his email address written down somewhere afterwards. ==
70. Visited Tampin Shopping Centre countless times
71. Became obsessed with hair removal (in the form of plucking and shaving)
72. Went to Chia Chia Saloon 2 times...the only 2 times I cut my hair this year. Actually the 1st time I also thin down only, didn't cut short...the 2nd time I cut short last week...I'm very satisfied with the back part of my hair, juz dun like my fringe, looks horrible if I dun put a pin there. :(
73. Grew out of the colour pink. (on the spur of the moment...maybe I'll grow into it again T.T)
74. Got Johnny (blanket) split into half, he's now hanging together by a slip of cloth of less than 1 cm. T.T I DID try to repair him, sewwwwwwwwwwwwww many times. But...T.T Nobody can help kicking in their sleep...
75. Found out that my hp credit had reached RM0.44!!! How scarily horrible!!! All for the sake of using my hp to on9 to stalk someone on facebook...=.=
76. Found out that I still suck at chess =.=||
77. Did something that I had been doing last year (top secret!!!)
78. Lost a friend that I lost and gained last year
79. Had a lollipop!!! ^^ (even though a single lollipop in an entire year seems quite sad ==)
80. Tried eating an ice-cream on the street under the sun without using a plate for the first time...and failed terribly T.T
81. Was mistaken as the eldest by my uncle during CNY T.T When my elder sister is SIX years older than me!! just bcoz I'm the biggest in size T.T
82. Went for caroling for the first time in my life :D
83. Lost my temper in school, directly directed to the person
84. Spent Christmas Eve sleeping around the clock, except to eat and bathe =.=
85. Typed this super boring blog post, it's the first time I'm doing a post like this!

uni

2010-12-27T19:16:00.000-08:00

I was very irritated when Daddy woke me up this morning, but after that I realized that he'd actually saved me from a nightmare... =.=
I was doing past year questions....Bio Paper 2 2009...
And I just Could Not Answer...not even with an open reference book in front of me... =.=
The question was weird also la...something about a girl whose foot was dunno what...twisted or something...and the cartilage was...dunno what....i 4got liao...@_@
Anyway it was a very frustrating dream and I'm glad I woke up. :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leaving Tampin on the 5th of January...
Then we will have orientation, and classes start on the 10th.
It's weird, I don't feel sad or happy or free or scared or anything.
I just have the satisfaction of seeing things getting packed. =.=||
Maybe it's because I know I can come back any weekend I want to.
And Nilai is just an hour and a half's distance from my home.

You know, actually this wasn't the university life that I've ever imagined.
I imagined that I'd be going to KL, living in an apartment like my sisters...having housemates...
Going to town (to wander, not to shop) whenever I want...going to a park (also to wander)...
And eventually a white horse prince (with a certain somebody's face ==) will come and be my housemate...
And the other housemates will be a married couple...
So me and the prince will fall in love and get married and have a happy ever after life, coz we've already been used to living with each other... ^^

But now, I'm in INTI...
The first university I've ever visited (STAR programme)...
The university for, from what I've heard of, rich students...and actually the teaching quality is 烂...
I've always felt very 抗拒 towards INTI...maybe as a result of what I've heard...
I didn't want to be a rich little princess enjoying herself in a nice uni with perfect facilities...without studying...
I was afraid people would look down upon me...

But then, what my sister said was true also...
None of those People who told me (bad things) about INTI was actually studying there.
And my sister told me that INTI was famous for business, which is the course I'm taking (shocking I know, I'm shocked also, dunno wanna regret onot. But regret liao I also dunno what else to choose ==)...

So anyway...I don't worry about what people will say anymore... =) Coz those people are Past now...
The future people will all agree that INTI is a good university, otherwise they won't be studying there. =.=

And about the wandering about in town thing...it's not going to happen anymore...
I'm staying in a hostel (thank God a single room was still available, I couldn't bear a roommate in such a tiny space), eating there, buying everyday stuff there, walking there, studying there.
Of coz la, there's always buses out of the place, but I think I won't ever have the courage to go out alone. I'll lose my way or miss the bus back or something stupid like that. And then I'll have to sleep on the streets. T.T

But I don't mind that anymore...

The only thing that I DO mind is that it's really so freaking EXPENSIVE....
I still feel very bad about it...coz it isn't like I'm going to produce flying colours in every exam or become a famous business manager or anything wonderful like that.
It just...isn't...worth...it...

2010-12-26T19:13:00.001-08:00

Not anymore...no more...

so...

2010-12-22T06:30:00.000-08:00

I ended up registering at the very university that I told myself (and sincerely believed) that I would never ever study in ~~~ INTI

fairytale?

2010-12-21T07:42:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, there was a princess.
She met a witch.
A prince came along and killed the witch.
He married the princess and they lived happily ever after.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once upon a time, there was a Mable.
She didn't meet a witch.
A prince came aloing and passed her by.
Maybe the prince was in a hurry, to save the princess instead...
Who cares...

=.=

2010-12-21T06:49:00.000-08:00

Why u mention that name in front of me?!?!
I said alrd, my mission is Unaccomplished, and until it is Accomplished, pls do nt say that name to me anymore!!!
I DON'T CARE about what happens to that person, as long as he/she is not lying in a hospital!
I seriously Do Not Care.

I don't like...

2010-12-16T23:48:00.000-08:00

Continuation of this post...

31. People who feel the need to kill mosquitoes who are standing on me
Hello...this is MY blood they are sucking!!!! I also dun care alrd!!! U care so much for what!!!! I really HATE people who slap mosquitoes on MY body!!!!!!!! :@ It's not you, of coz you dun care la, it's not you who's being slapped!!!! :@

32. Clowns
Scary...I really dunno why they even exist. They are NOT funny. I remember last time in primary school, got one year the conjurer on Children's Day was dressed up as a clown. When I was on my way to the toilet, I saw him standing there talking to the teachers, and I ran away. T.T

33. Ginger
Unless it's ginger beer.

34. Chilli
Why do people enjoy torturing their tongues so much? :S

35. Unhappy endings

36. Unknown endings
This one I really hate... =.= if u too lazy to think of an ending, juz say so la, many ppl willing to help u!!! dun juz hang in the middle there!!!!

37. Desperate attention seekers

38. People who think they understand me so well =.=|||

39. People who use Xmas instead of Christmas, Santa instead of Jesus

40. People who use bad words in every single sentence

How I (attempted to) study

2010-12-14T21:03:00.000-08:00

From the bed...

To the table...

I tried to study physics with post-its...but I never got further than Waves coz I lazy to write liao...=.=

My highlighters...most of them unused...and there's another box of them that I haven't opened yet...I think I can sell highlighters liao =.=

I suddenly 心血来潮.....some of the erasers are mouldy coz I had them in kindergarten...

Coffee...my energy booster...

Music...a must...

Btw, did I mention that I went back to the bed?

I don't like...

2010-12-14T19:01:00.000-08:00

1. The smell of cars
They make me sick!!!

2. The smell of newspapers
They just smell black and dirty, that's why I never read them

3. The smell of toilet paper
eww

4. The smell of rabbits' urine especially when it rains
Well, I know nobody likes this...but seriously, it's getting very unbearable lately!!!

5. Smoke
Either from cigarettes or from a burning rubbish heap. Btw I went to the Long Jiang mee restaurant just now, and to my horror, I realized that cigars were actually Sold there... =.=||!!!! It's a place where people EAT, hello!!! And the sign which read that cigars are banned from being sold to people under 18...it's just stupid!!! It doesn't matter whether you are above or below 18...you still have lungs and it's your duty to keep them healthy!

6. Chewing gum
Coz it's very disgusting when u spit it out...I remember the first time I chewed one, I didn't dare to spit it out for a long time coz I didn't want to look at it!!!

7. Comics
Too luan4...I can't understand... @.@

8. People who eat loudly and slurp their soups
Ok I may sound like Miss Table Manners...but this isn't about manners!! Ok la maybe it is. But it's just about me and my behtahanness to sounds like this. I really cannot tahan!!! Every time I hear it, I have to leave the table (without telling the person why la of coz), coz I really cannot tahan!!!! I wanna vomit or fly into a temper every time I hear it.

9. The squeak of a metal ruler on a table...or chalk on the blackboard...or fingernails on cloth...
CANNOT TAHAN!!!! I want to rub it with my fingers afterwards to make it...erm...dunno make it what! Ask Gail, she has the same habit haha~

10. Walking on wet ground with my bare feet
Geli....

11. Killing those little red ants with my bare fingers
No, I am Not sorry for them. And of coz la I hate killing anything with my fingers. But these ants are different, they die so easily coz they're so small and fragile! And the reason why I hate killing them is bcoz they leave a really SICKly Sweet smell on my fingers, yuck!!!

12. People who wake me up
It doesn't matter who (father, sisters, future husband, telephone), why (I'm going to b late, I'm sleeping on their side of the bed, it's simply too late to sleep anymore), where (in the classroom, on the bed...but I dun mind if it's in the car coz that will mean that we've nearly reached the destination yay), how (hello??, wei wake up liao wake up liao wake up liao).

13. People who switch off the fan
Ok la strictly speaking, I don't exactly dislike the People la. I just don't like it when the fan is switched off (unless it's really cold), coz it feels so kuk and quiet.

14. People who forget what I say after I've repeated it for at least Three times
Actually, the person whom I'm referring to (yala juz one person only la, u dun hv to be afraid that it's u coz that person is Not a reader of this blog =.=), he Asked me the same question for 3 times...and I answered him exactly the same answer for 3 times...after that he asked me again and he actually said “人家不懂嘛”!!!! :@!!!! And it was all Within a month summore!!!!! :@ :@ :@!!!! Just for everybody's info, my fb's status Ujznvrmbwtisaydou? Btidcnwttidluanymr. ...can you understand it now? cannot? I translate for you!! You just never remember what I say do you? But I don't care now that I don't like you anymore. I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE. :@

15. Blogging when other people are around
Or typing. Coz it feels so bu4 zi4 zai4.

16. Girls with overloud voices, boys with overdeep voices
Girls...just bcoz they're too noisy and I can't sleep. =.=zzzzz... Boys bcoz I usually can't hear a word they say, frequency too low. =.=|||

17. Slim people
Dun care male or female, they just make me look fat beside them T.T

18. People who make me jealous
It doesn't matter in what way, 嫉妒 or 羡慕 or 吃醋。

19. The dryness and horrible brownness of my own hair T.T

20. People who speak in Cantonese to me when they know perfectly well that I don't speak the language. =.=
In case you dunno, let me explain to you... I Don't speak Cantonese although my family members all speak it. I can understand it perfectly, and I watch Hong Kong dramas. I just don't speak it. =) Btw I really Did try it out at home (when I was alone of coz!), and I just sounded really horrible. I suppose I need practice, but I really couldn't care less. ;)

21. Reading new books
Don't get me wrong...I love the Words inside the books... But new books are all so New!!! No dog's ears, no pages that are almost tearing out in the middle...... It's so stressful to read a new book la! ><" Coz I'm a very rough person actually (u look at my reference books and you'll either faint or realize what I mean), and I will surely spoil a book that has been entrusted in my care for one month or so.

22. Butterflies
Ok I hate bees too. And all insects, and all animals. But butterflies are...scary!!!!!!!! The way they flap their wings!!! The way that they Are nothing but two pieces of wings!!!! I hate butterflies even if they Are pretty...

23. Sharing a bottle with somebody else
I don't care whether it's a close friend or a family member. I just don't like drinking other people's saliva eww!!!

24. Motorbikes
Especially those who go brrumm brrrrrrummmm brrrummmmmm zzzzzoooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmm... (ok the last one is bcoz I dunno what sound to put, I tried piuuu and booommmm but they didn't seem quite right, so I'll just assume that you know the sound they make when the zoom past your house), and those who really feel the need to fill the entire road with Smoke.

25. Trains
I won't deny it. I'm just scared of them.

26. Eating outside with Daddy
He eats so fast, I'm SO STRESSED!!!!!!! Actually I don't really eat very slow la ok (well, not at home), but I always eat slower than usual when I'm at school, food stalls, restaurants or any public place. Coz I need to 顾仪态！ And I'm the sort of person who can't drink a cup of water / soup / finish a meal without spilling some of it down the front of my shirt, or down my chin. At home, at least I can wash it off. But I can't at other places!!! And I don't dare to take mouthfuls that are too big either, coz I'll look like a gorilla and I won't be able to answer people when they speak to me.

27. Walking for long distances / Running
Not bcoz I will 脚酸, but bcoz I'll find it hard to breathe and have chest pains. I know I have low stamina! ><

28. People who judge a Person by his/her appearance
Fine, I do that too. But I don't do that once that I've got to know the person personally.

29. Signing
Coz my signature is sooooo childish I feel like crying every time I see it!!! But I dunno how else to sign it liao and maybe it's too late to change my signature since I've used for so many things already!!!!

30. My short fingernails
...But I can't help them! They get dirty every time they grow slightly longer. T.T And my skin gets worse too!! So I have to cut them off and just pretend that I enjoy being a good little girl that obeys the school rules. T.T But now no excuse liao lo!!! =(