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Wednesday, March 9, 2011

unhappy

I am really really unhappy.
I TOLD myself I wouldn't let this happen again... I did... I sincerely believed that I could do it... I told myself that I was 18, that I wouldn't be childish anymore, that I wouldn't have false hopes and childish childish crushes and drink childish childish childish vinegar... and yet I LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN. arrrrrrrrgh!!!!!!!!! wanna scream!! In fact I was moaning and whining really loudly on my bed just now... found out I couldn't sleep and came back to online. Jealousy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! all because of one word, JEALOUSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate myself for being so weak, for not being able to extinguish this problem after more than 17 years of living!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was born like that, it was implanted in my heart, but I was just too weak to be able to uproot it.

oh well. on the bright side, I got the highest marks for basic computing test. But who cares anyway, I know I didn't do really well, it was the test paper that was easy!!! And I didn't score well in the paper that I really really wanted to -- English. Well, I got 76, higher than most of the class but still not high enough for the standards I set. My essay's marks was incredibly low... coz I wrote 3 pages when only 250 words were required. Coz I was too lo1 so1 on the introduction. Well, there goes.

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