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Wednesday, February 9, 2011

new vs old

During the Dark Days (as I persistantly call them in my mind!!! means the days that I...erm...was unhappy in school), I've always wanted and waited and WAITED for the day that I could leave secondary school and go off to college and start a new life.

Well, I got what I wanted. I've got new friends, new churchmates, new classmates, a new room, new environment, can online until Na.m., can eat what I want and as much or as little as I want, and all that... and I feel perfectly at home here.

I'm happy almost all the time, except when my period is due... == Coz I don't have any reasons to feel sad, or feel lonely, or angry, or whatever...

All my friends are still on the "new and pleasant" level, and will probably remain like that until we graduate. =.= But I don't mind, it's so much better than the 计时炸弹 type... I'm not trying to make any comparisons here, and nothing will ever replace secondary school friends... but it's really a lot relaxing now, I don't have to worry about silly small things anymore... No more... Those days are really finally over...Over!!! So over that I don't know why they had to happen... I don't know why I cared about just ONE person so much! Come on, it's not like I didn't have other friends... I did... but that one was just so different and capable of affecting my mood, or maybe it was just bcoz the others didn't have a temper or any reason to get fed up with me...

And, the thing about my new most-good (I won't say best yet) friend is, she isn't really the OH I HAVE LIKE 1000000000000000 FRIENDS sort of friend... in fact she is quite diam. And that's what I like about her!!! Coz that kind of friend would Definitely prefer to be together with a big crowd of friends rather than just 2 or 3. And... I don't like crowds. Seriously, I soooooo do not fit in with crowds.

And... ok this is totally out of topic, but I'm so worried about taking my SPM results lately!!! The cause of my minor insomnia at night is 65% bcoz of this lo!!! =( It's not just about the results itself, though I AM freaking out when I try to count how many possible A's that I can get coz... erm... the number that I end up with is always so small no matter how many times I count it. =.= But what I'm worried about is, what day will it be on? Is the date confirmed yet? Coz I have classes every day and it is certain to be on a week day. Would I miss a lot of classes? Of coz, I could ask Daddy to take it for me if I really couldn't make it... but this kind of thing, of coz I must be the first person to know de ma! And yet and yet... I really don't want to go back to tbs anymore... I don't want to see my former classmates, schoolmates, teachers, dewan... I don't want to see anything that reminds me of last year...

I wanted to start a new life, and I got it... So why can't I just forget and let go of the old one?

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