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Wednesday, October 13, 2010

nothing special

Some people want to be the best at everything. I'm not one of them.
Some people don't want to be the best at anything. I'm not one of them too.

I want to be the best, the very best...at the things that I'm best at. Or at the things that I actually enjoy doing.
If I think I'm good at something (very rarely =.=), then I want to be the Best at it.
I cannot stand people being even slightly better at it than I am. Nor people THINKING that others are better than I am at the thing, which is slightly different.
I mean, that is MY specialty. WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TO TAKE EVEN THIS AWAY FROM ME? When they're Already best at so many other things! Why do they do that?!

Talking about being special...
I know every single person in this world is special, there's nobody exactly like us and all that stuff... but seriously...are we really THAT special? =.= HOW SPECIAL??????
For instance, look at me.
I have a lot of pimples. So do 50% of the people in this world.
I have small eyes, a blunt nose, pale lips and round cheeks. ALL THE UGLY PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD HAVE THEM TOO.
I have a dimple, a very very slight one that can be seen less than 0.00000000000000000000000001% of the time. So?
I have awful skin, scars, scales on my legs and a red face DUE TO MY SKIN PROBLEM (NOT BCOZ I'M BLUSHING OR WHATEVER). Can that be considered special?
Fine, there's something different about me, and that's a jutting out piece of flesh near my left ear. But I'm not the only person who has it, either.
They used to say that I had nicely-shaped lips when I was a child, but sadly I grew out of it (there's even a pimple on my lip now=.=), and so many people DIDN'T grow out of it.
My teeth? bleargh. and there's so many people in this world who're saying the same about their own teeth too.
My body? nothing special that I can see.
Then? hair? grass lo. there's nothing especially special about grass either.

Okay, fine! stop talking about appearance!

Character? Do I EVEN HAVE A CHARACTER?
I'm unsociable! I AM SO UNSOCIABLE!!!! Why is it so? It can't be running in the family, no! it can't! Coz every single person in my family is SO FRIENDLY and KNOWS HOW TO TALK TO ALL PEOPLE, and have plenty of friends! There is NO NEED for any of them to Learn How To Talk To People coz they already KNOW how to! how nice! How clever!
Fine, I'll stop being stupid and bitter. Anyway...there's nothing special about That either. Lots of problematic children are like that.
I know how to make my voice cute. uhhh SO? So do YOU AND YOU and all the other people in the world.
I'm not kind, I'm not loving, I don't know how to DEH adults... NOT SPECIAL.
My handwriting is special...specially childish, if that counts.
I'm lazy. Nothing out of the ordinary.
I'm sociable on the net coz I can't actually see the people I'm talking to. SO?

Lets talk about my "skills".
kinda embarrassing here... =.=
Writing? NO. Miss So-and-So FAR SURPASSES me.
Piano? PI LA...Miss So-and-So does that FAR BETTER too.
My secret hobby? Lagi no need to say...Miss So-and-So AND another Miss-So-and-So AND SO MANY MANY MANY PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD ARE BETTER THAN ME IN THAT! Except that I'm stupid enough to keep it as a secret hobby, I've never found out why...
I feel so Frustrated!!!! NOTHING SPECIAL!!! NOTHING SPECIAL ABOUT ME! WHY IS IT LIKE THAT? Why do you all like to outshine me in everything? I want to be the BEST, the very very BEST in what I am BEST at...is that even wrong? IS THAT?

Why do people ask me questions ABOUT MY FAMILY MEMBERS AND NOT ABOUT ME? DON'T TELL ME IT'S BECAUSE THEY KNOW THAT I WON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY IF THEY ASK ABOUT ME...IT'S NOT WHAT I WANT TO HEAR!!! NOT!!!! "Are your sisters coming back?" I hear this a THOUSAND times a week! Is it such an important question? Why don't you ask "HEY GIRL, WHEN ARE YOU GOING AWAY?" instead?

Why do I always feel so awkward and Stupid in front of certain people? Why does it always Not matter about how I look like because NOBODY WILL LOOK AT ME? I DON'T believe that nobody cares about what I look like! I WON'T believe it! because there IS somebody, and that is ME.

Why are OTHER people always more important? is it because they smile all day long or what? I CAN'T HELP LOOKING SULKY AND STUPID...I WAS BORN LIKE THAT...BORN WITH DARKER SKIN...BORN WITH A BLACK FACE...BORN TO 衬托 OTHERS!

shadow...that's what I am...

I am EMO and STUPID and UNGRATEFUL and STILL STUPID.
But I am still not special

1 comment:

Guy said...

Hey girl, there are people out there who really does care about you a lot.
Believe it, you are that somebody whom people really concern about!